No. But I can smell him on my pillow, that woodsy, earthy, piney scent that makes me feel fucking feral. Like I should seek him out and drag him back to my cave and doall the things.
You’re an idiot. Yep. And I need to sleep. But Kai is the best obsession I’ve ever had, and it’s more than his forest-ranger aesthetic. It’s his bottomless gaze and shy smile. His kind hands and gentle touch. The way helistens.Watches. Learns. That he sucks dick like his mouth was made for me is something else.
Something I can’t contemplate if I’m going to sleep any time before next Thursday.
Kai. Kai. Kai.
Finally, his butterfly footsteps sound in the hallway. They pause and I hear him take a breath.
Then his bedroom door opens and it’s silent again.He didn’t close it. Why would he? He’s left it ajar every night since I moved in, and I can’t help but wonder why. If it’s the same reason I leave minewideopen—so he knows I’m right there if he needs me.
My words a few nights ago—whenever it was, can’t remember—come back to haunt me.“Look at it like this: even if we slept in our own rooms, our beds are, what, three meters apart? What’s weird about sleeping a little closer?”It still holds true, so why am I tossing and turning alone when I could be with him?
You don’t know that he wants you with him. Your door is open too and he chose his own bed.
Logical, but this isKai. A shy man whose self-esteem is in a puddle at his feet. He feels what I feel—Iknowit—but he’s not a dude who’ll invade my space without invitation. Plus, I’m pretty good at pretending to be asleep. You learn that shit fast when you have a parent who likes late-night jollys to crack dens.
Don’t think about that.
It’s too easy when I have Kai to think about instead, but the switch is too drastic, and I’m on my feet before I know what I’m doing, bare feet on the hardwood floor. It’s about six steps from my bed to Kai’s, and I’m there in a heartbeat.
He’s under the covers, on his side, facing the window, his broad back a fucking beacon to me. Ahomingbeacon, even as the single tiny shred of common sense I have screams at me to go back to my own room.
Fuck that. I drop into his bed as if I own it. As if it’s ours. I slide my arms around his waist and his hand comes back to rest on my flank.
Warm.
Possessing.
Right.
Kai squeezes my hip. “Joss?”
I press my face between his shoulder blades and breathe him in. There’s so many things I want to say. So many things Ishouldsay.
But I’ve got nothing but truth. “I missed you.”
* * *
KAI
Tom Petty wakes me up. I can’t remember why the song is important. Then I feel Joss, pressed up against me, his cheek on my shoulder.
It wasn’t a dream.
He’s still asleep, but he’s restless, like he warned me the very first time. The tics rattling through him are gentle, and I’m fascinated, but the blaring of that stupid damn song won’t quit.
The death song.
His phone.
It’s loud, but Joss doesn’t stir any more than his nervous system already is.
Carefully, I extricate myself and slip out of bed, crossing the hall in two strides.
It takes me a minute to locate the phone. It’s stuffed under the pillow, and I’m still half asleep. It’s the only excuse for what happens next. For why I see Tanner’s name on the screen and answerJoss’sfuckin’ phone.
“Kai?”
