Fuckinghell. And now I have to repay him gifting me the best blowjob I’ve ever had by leaving him hanging.
We break apart. Compose ourselves—mostly—put some real clothes on and go downstairs. At the door, the noise from the bar seems deafening where I wouldn’t usually notice.
Kai is behind me, dragging his feet.
I turn to him, blocking the door. “Can I help?”
He doesn’t ask with what. He knows. I know. It’s all good. “You got a bat cave stashed in your back pocket?”
“If I had, I’d hide out with you all night long.”
I’m not joking. Molly’s a hell of a singer, and I love live music, but I’d rather be alone with Kai. Preferably naked.
You can’t fuck him.
I know that.
Iknow.
I also know the thought of pushing through the door behind me is making him sweat, his heart race, and his head pound with anxiety he doesn’t deserve, and I’d walk over hot coals to take it all away.
My hands find their natural place on his unshaven jaw. “Tell me what I can do in real life.”
Kai sighs. “It’s stupid.”
“No, it isn’t.”
“You haven’t heard it yet.”
“Educated guess, mate.”
Kai starts to smile. Then a wave of noise makes him shiver. “Can you stay in front of me?” he blurts. “If I can see you, it gives me something to focus on that’s actually fuckin’ real.”
“It’s all real.”
“It’s reallynot.”
I open my mouth to argue, but I’m interrupted by someone pushing the door from behind me.
It’s Jax, and he’s so happy to see me and Kai that I forget to worry about how it’s gonna be when we’re on the other side of the door. I follow them out, hooked on Kai’s warm eyes as he grins at whatever nonsense comes out of Jax’s mouth. On the arch of his neck as his head tips back, laughing. The blaze of his stare as he catches me watching, a fire that settles to a content smolder the longer we lock eyes.
Am I doing that for him? I’m not a cure. I know that. But fuck if it doesn’t feel better than sex to see him like this.You don’t know what sex with him feels like and you never will.
Still got my imagination, though.
Jax leads us along the back of the bar to a dark corner by the fire exit. Tanner dumps water and beer where we can reach them. Jax rolls his eyes and reaches for a beer, his wedding band glinting in the low light, and they exchange a glance I can’t decipher. One that makes my old friend’s smile grow wider, and it looks good on him.
Lovelooks good on him.
But I don’t have the headspace to stare while Kai is between us, his hand discreetly on my forearm as I sink onto a stool.
He stays standing, listening to Jax and laughing some more. I can’t see his face, but I see him—I feel him—and it’s enough for me to chance a scan of the bar, searching for Molly.
I find her by the stage, wrestling with a fold-up wooden stool. It’s jammed and mutinous tears make her eyes shine.
Fuck that.
I rise, but Kai beats me to it. He takes one step towards Molly. Freezes. But I take my cue and slip in front of him, trusting he’ll follow as I cut through the hustle and bustle to get to Molly.
