I try to imagine how I’d feel if this was the first time I’d ever noticed a man. Ifhewas the first. But it happened to me so long ago I can barely remember it. Just that it took a while for me to believe.
That I needed tangible evidence.
Questioning my sanity, I close the gap between us, bringing my chest to his. “Are you wondering if it’s real?”
Kai slow blinks. He seems dazed. “What do you mean?”
I squeeze his hand again, then let go to rub my knuckles on his temple. “Are you wondering if it’s all in your head? If you’re so messed up by other things that your brain is creating something even more fucked up to distract you?”
A mix of emotions dance in his eyes. “How can you tell?”
“It happened to me when some really tragic shit was going down in my life. Made me think in circles till I didn’t know which way was up.”
Kai takes a breath that expands his chest, pressing him tighter against me. He’s still holding the fallen branch. It digs into my back as his arms encircle me. “How did you find your feet again?”
“Experimenting. Not taking it too seriously. I guess I just got to the point where it didn’t matter. I liked what I liked, and I found a way to stop thinking about it.”
“I don’t mind thinking about it.”
“No?”
His smile returns and he shakes his head, apparently at ease with the fact that he’s caged me in his arms. “You’re not the worst thing I’ve ever seen when I’m lying in bed at night.”
He’s thought about me in bed.A ripple of warmth spreads through me, gathering heat as I let the notion grow legs, picturing him on his back, sheets pushed down, his hand—
Whoa. I rein myself in. Just. Or actually, not at all, as I open my mouth and words spill out, unchecked and untamed. “Would it help if you knew for sure?”
“Knew?” It takes him a second to compute, then his brows shoot up, and I swear down I feel his pulse kick up a gear, his heart thumping through his chest, thudding against mine. “You mean…?”
“Mate, it’s like this. I’m gonna kiss you, and you’re gonna see how you feel. Might be it freaks you the fuck out and you shove me in the river, but that’s okay.”
Amusement wars with the fascinated terror shaping Kai’s expression. “I’m not going to push you in the fuckin’ river.”
“But you can. That’s my point.”
“What if I don’t push you in the river? What if I like kissing you, butyoudon’t like kissing me?”
Impossible. But he doesn’t need to know that right now. Or maybe ever.
You’re ridiculous. And I can’t deny the impulsive monster that lives in me is having a cracking day out. I just offered to kiss my roommate for funsies and science. The evidence is there. Irrefutable.You’re out of your fucking mind.
Valid. But…I want to kiss him. And he wants to kiss me. Sometimes you gotta simplify life and let that be enough. Maybe he’ll like it, maybe he won’t. I’ll bet my left nut we’ll still be friends after.
Kai’s staring at my mouth. I haven’t answered his question, but I reckon he’s forgotten he asked it. He’s shifted closer too, a light tension banding his tall frame. His lips are achingly near. He drops a hand on my shoulder, and I slide one of mine over his hip.
This is happening.
Despite it being my idea, it’s kind of a shock.
Kai’s taller than me. I look up, instantly a hostage of his consuming stare. My heart rate spikes, and he snatches a breath. I want to tell him we don’t have to do this, but I’d be lying. Because I’m pretty sure I’ll combust if he pulls back and walks away without claiming my lips as his own.
Be a better man.I open my mouth, but Kai chooses that moment to lean down, and the aborted sentence becomes something else.
His lips press to mine. Tentative. Soft. Sweet, of course, but the story doesn’t end there. Kai isn’t still. He doesn’t wait for a conclusion, he chases it, teasing my mouth open with his tongue, his curiosity blazing a gentle path to a full-on kiss.
Lip-locked and loaded.
Fucking-A.
