Damn it, I want a life.
Ineeda life.
“Do you want me to come with you?”
I brush Molly off and make for the door. “Nah, Mols. I’m good. Have fun on your date, yeah? But tell that dude I’ll kick his ass if he’s not the perfect gent.”
“You think I can’t kick a man’s ass, Kai?”
“No, sweetheart. I think you shouldn’t have to.”
I leave her and hurry through the bar, already busy with the happy-hour crowd. No one notices me, and I’m glad of it. Once upon a time, I was a people person. Now it feels like every pair of eyes can see into my soul, sense the phantom burning in my chest, and I hate it so fuckin’ much. Tanner says it passes, but it’s been months. Sooner or later, it’ll be a year, and then what?
Keep going. One day at a time.
Easy for him to say, he’s got Jax, and it’s his voice I hear first when I finally reach the stairs and hightail it to the top. He’s laughing, and Tanner is too, and I gotta tell you, my guy didn’t laugh that much before his Cornish husband swept him off his feet.
Their apartment door is open, and I walk right in, drawn to them, as ever, because they’re in love, and it’s beautiful, and I like beautiful things. Also, I’m fairly sure they’re not boning right now. I learned that lesson the, uh, hard way.
More than once.
Tanner pushes Jax onto the bed, face down, caging him with his ripped thighs and—
Nope. Not today, you strange and fucked up brain.
I push the image away and catch their words instead. They’re still laughing, but Tanner seems exasperated, the beginning of a scowl twisting his handsome face. “You already told me all this. You don’t have to remind me he’s a bit fucking different every time he comes up in conversation.”
“I’m notremindingyou,” Jax argues. “Just making sure you know what’s coming. Iknow it’s worth the crazy days and broken crockery, but you gotta see it to believe it.”
Tanner makes a disgruntled sound.
I pick my moment and rap my knuckles on the door to the living space. “Knock-knock.”
They’re in the kitchen. Tanner is at the stove and Jax is leaning over the counter, disguising how tall he is. As tall as his husband, though Tanner has twenty pounds on him. The guy isstacked. Honestly, if I wasn’t six-four, these bros would make me feel small. “Your smoker arrived,” I tell them. “I left it downstairs, but I can bring it up if you want.”
Tanner and Jax exchange a look, and Tanner kills the flame beneath the burner. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.”
“The smoker?”
“No, the kitchen it’s going in.”
“You want a progress report, boss?”
Tanner grins a little. “Not unless something dramatic has happened since we spoke this morning.”
“You’re shit out of luck if you were relying on that for entertainment.”
“He’s got me for entertainment,” Jax banters. “He’s the unluckiest bloke in the world.”
Tanner rolls his eyes. “All right, all right. Can we cut this short by agreeing you’re both idiots?”
Pigs will fuckin’ fly before Tanner says those words and means them. About Jax, at least. And I’d rather he thought I was an idiot than a basket case, so I let it slide and give him my full attention.
He takes a breath. “We found a chef.”
“Molly told me.”
“She did?”
