I put the toast down. “I should tell you something.”
Kai drags his gaze from the spot on the counter he’s fixated on. He has creases from the sofa pillows on his face. I want to smooth them away, but I settle for hacking myself open. “I have ADHD and non-verbal Tourette’s. I try to behave, but sometimes I’m inconsistent and unpredictable, and I throw eggs at the wall by mistake.”
It’s a lot to take in and I appreciate that, but Kai doesn’t blink, not even to check the apartment walls. “My mom’s cousin has ADHD. Never heard of non-verbal Tourette’s, though. Are you calling me a hairy jackass in your head or something?”
I laugh. “It’s not about words for me. I just make random movements sometimes, more when I’m tired or super stressed, and I feel super calm around you, so I might’ve got away with not telling you.”
At that, his face changes. Earnest concentration becomes happy and unexpected. “Youfeel calm aroundme?”
“It ain’t hard. You might feel like a raging storm in here sometimes—” I tap his temple, featherlight and quick. “—but to me, you’re a lake on a summer’s day.”
“What kind of lake? If it’s one with wake boarding and frat bros, your assessment has flaws.”
“Warm and still, mate. Don’t ruin it. And drink your tea. It’s good for you.”
I need to shower and go downstairs. Meet Tanner in the kitchen Kai built for me and figure out what the hell I’m going to do with it. But turning away from Kai seems impossible. I’m not wrong about his earthy stillness now whatever he was living through last night has faded, and it’s addictive.
Men like this don’t exist in Hackney.
Kai drinks his tea. When he’s done, he sets the mug down and tilts his head. “You didn’t eat your breakfast.”
“Hmm?”
He points at my plate. “Last night too. Not so good at remembering your own shit?”
“Fucking awful, mate. Oh, and I’m a messy bastard too, so…”
Kai steps around me and shuts a cupboard. Nudges a drawer closed with his hip and turns off the extractor fan. “I don’t mind messy.”
“Sure about that? This place was a clinic when I arrived.”
“So?”
“So…I don’t want to fuck up your vibe.”
“My vibe of insomniac tidying? Dude, you’ll be doing me a favor by giving me more to do.”
“That’sfucked up.”
Kai shrugs and points at my cooling breakfast again. “Guess we’re both a bit messy, huh?”
He ain’t wrong. And I can’t deny that his easy acceptance of his first impression of me is nice.
I’m not used to nice. I’m used to wading through tar to have a normal fucking life, leaving carnage in my wake.
Don’t break it.
I eat my breakfast. Kai wanders off and the shower turns on. It’s my cue to clean up the kitchen and get my shit together, but I don’t move, lost in thoughts that go nowhere, tapping my fingers, gnawing on my bottom lip. It takes the mother of all tics to wake me up and I drop my plate on the counter.
It cracks in two.
Oops.
“Don’t worry about it.”
“I’m not.” Kai’s sudden presence behind me lets me know I’ve zoned out far longer than the lightning pace of my brain wants to admit, but I mean what I say. “Warm and still, remember? You don’t give a fuck about a broken plate.”
He steps around me and takes the fragmented pieces. “I really don’t. Did you hurt yourself?”
