Kai. I have terminally itchy feet, but somehow, despite me telling him every two seconds that I’m not sticking around, that Ineverstick around, I’ve done nothing about leaving.
I didn’t return Jake Thompson’s call.
Haven’t scouted social media for my next adventure.
I’ve. Done. Nothing.
All hot air, ain’t ya?
No. I am leaving. Ihaveto. It’s who I am, and I don’t know how to be anyone else. How to lay down roots and keep them forever. How to show people the best and worst parts of me and believe they’d even want me to stay.
But Tanner’s looking at me like he has the answer to every question I’ve never thought to ask.
The next order comes in.
I fill it, and another one after that, my easy mood descending into cycling thoughts that are so picture perfect it’s hard to accept they’re distorted. I imagine spending every summer in this kitchen. Every winter. Long days and nights with Kai under the stars. I know I’m a soul who skates through every place I inhabit, absorbing only the surface. The shiny bits. Kai’s different. He’s a beautiful human who burrows deeper, to the heart and soul.
To the earth.
And I want to be more like him.
I want to bewithhim. For as long as he wants me around.
A server collects the plates I’ve set out on the pass. He says something to me about no mayo on a burger.
My brain is Teflon. I ignore him and escape out the back door.
Tanner follows me. For all I know, he’s talking too, but I don’t hear him. I dig in my pocket for my phone. There’s a message from Kai.
Kai:Imma find yours later x
It takes a second to remember he means my face. Because I told him I miss his.
Cos I do, twelve hours after he left for work.
Because I love him.
Oops.
I rub my lips, heart swelling to a painful peak in my chest.
Tanner clears his throat. “Still with me?”
“What?”
He drops two large palms on my shoulders and shifts me to face him. Then he waits for who the fuck knows what. Past me might’ve shrugged him off. But I know myself better now. And I’m starting to know Tanner too. If he’s waiting on me, it’s for good reason.
I take a breath and find some focus.
He nods. “There you are. Listen, I’ll make it quick, because I know you’ve got other things on your mind, but it’s like this: it’s gonna cost us three times as much to replace you as it is to give you a goddamn raise. And we love you. We want you to stay—Me, Jax, Harrison. Hell, all of us. Just say the word, and I’ll have a new contract for you before you can fucking blink.”
I don’t know what to say. Tanner understands. He squeezes me, then he gives me a hug. “Don’t answer me now. Just know it’s an option, okay? And that you’re both fucking worth it.”
My head spins. Tanner’s still hugging me. His arms are big and strong and safe. Before Kai, I might’ve said they were the best arms ever.
But they’re a poor imitation of the arms I need.
I need Kai.
