More silence. Jodi surveyed his surroundings again, taking it all in—the betting shop, bakery, and Halal butchers. The people, cars, zebra crossing.Shit. The zebra crossing.“Is that the place?”
Rupert nodded. “Didn’t you know?”
“Nope.” Jodi hadn’t given much thought to where the accident happened, and it had never occurred to him to avoid the scene. He’d crossed the road at the very same crossing just yesterday. “Are you all right?”
Rupert shrugged and looked away. Jodi caught his face in his hand. “Don’t hide from me. It’s okay to be upset. I sort of wish I was too.”
“It doesn’t bother you?”
“Not really. It’s just a road. The accident could’ve happened anywhere.”
“You’re right.” Rupert pried Jodi’s hand from his face. “It’s ... I don’t know. I see people going about their business without a care in the world, and I kinda want to scream at them. Tell them how dangerous it is. Then I picture you doing the same thing, back then, and now, and I want to scream at you too.”
“Scream at me?”
“Or at least wrap myself around you so nothing ever hurts you again.”
“Nothing’s going to hurt me. Come on. Let me cross the road and show you.”
“No.”
“Rupert.”
Rupert shook his head. “No. I can’t do it.”
“Yes, you can. Don’t take that day and make it everything. There’s so much more to us than that. Do you trust me?”
“Of course I do.”
Jodi held out his hand. “Then let’s go.”
* * *
Later that day, Jodi persuaded Rupert to go to the gym. They’d made it across the road unscathed, but Rupert had been on edge afterward—distracted and jumpy. He’d needed a break from the flat, from Jodi, from everything. He would never have said it, but Jodi knew. How could he not? Besides, Rupert’s absence gave Jodi a chance to do something he probably should’ve done weeks ago.
He stood at the kitchen window and waited for Rupert to disappear into the Tube station, then went to the office and shut the door, like the barrier between him and the rest of the flat somehow contained the embarrassment of what he was about to do.Daft twat.
Since the accident, and especially since he’d been left alone more, the internet had become his best friend. He’d googled everything from how to cook scrambled eggs without them sticking to the saucepan, to the correct way to load the dishwasher. So far, providing he stuck to legit sites, it hadn’t let him down, but this ... Yeah. This was something else.
The search engine filled the wide screen of his iMac. Jodi hesitated. Would there be pictures? He hoped so ... or did he? Would seeing it on screen be better than the images he’d conjured in his mind?
Jodi took a deep breath and typedanal sexinto the search engine. A barrage of pornography and sites aimed at women came back. He forced himself not to look at the porn, and considered theCosmopolitanarticle. It had been written for women thinking of trying anal sex for the first time, but it was all the same, right? A year ago, he’d have known.Like that matters now.Jodi silenced his demons and scrolled past the article.
It took some searching, but eventually, he found a blog post that seemed to have been written just for him. He scanned the article, taking in the hints and tips on preparation. One word stood out—relax. Was he relaxed? Naked with Rupert, he felt a million times the opposite, but there was no doubt in Jodi’s mind that he was ready for Rupert to fuck him.
A tasteful diagram caught his attention. Heat crept over him, warm and slow, like lava oozing down a mountain, and he resisted the urge to shove his hand down his jeans. He hadn’t had a wank since he and Rupert had started building new bonds where old ones had been swallowed up by the accident. It had almost seemed like the promise of what was to come had been enough, that glimmer of hope ... a future to replace the past he’d lost. Wanking over that felt a little wrong, but as he read the article a second time, picturing Rupert’s fingers, and then his dick, easing inside him as he got lost in Rupert’s gaze—Jesus. Was there anything hotter?
Jodi didn’t reckon so, and getting tied up in Rupert-laced knots didn’t bode well for the relaxation the article said he’d need if getting fucked by Rupert wasn’t going to hurt like hell and be a disaster for all involved.
Relax. Another deep breath. Jodi memorised the preparation tips, then tore himself from the computer and went to the bedroom. The lube bottle was still in the drawer, and a rummage under the bed revealed the plastic box he’d stumbled across the day the hemiplegic migraine had knocked him for six last week. A box he wished he’d found months ago, when the possibility of hot man sex with Rupert had first entered his mind.
Jodi lifted the lid from the box. The dildo and a vast array of other sex toys stared back at him in much the same way they had when he’d first found them. He picked up a big purple dick with a pump attached to it. Knowing he’d been the bottom in his and Rupert’s sexual past, there was only one place these things had been.
Perhaps they're new?Jodi snorted. As if. Who kept a stash of unused sex toys under the bed?
He put the giant purple cock down and rummaged around for something smaller. The article had said preparation was key, and with nothing bigger than Rupert’s crazy-hot tongue paving the way in recent memory, he needed to start with something smaller. Except, it seemed the old Jodi had been far braver than Jodi felt now. A thorough search revealed nothing smaller than a butt plug that made his eyes water.
Then his gaze fell on what looked like some kind of torch. He picked up and pressed the button, but instead of light, came vibration ... a deep, low buzz that travelled right through him. A click he hadn’t heard in ages sounded in his brain. It was a probe, he was sure of it, and though a memory of using one eluded him, he was suddenly certain that this toy wasgood.
