“Don’t I?”
“I have no idea, but I know I sure as hell don’t want to tell you.”
Jodi pulled a T-shirt on. Part of him wanted to take pity on Rupert and leave it alone, but the more selfish part of him won out. “I kept thinking about being with you. It scared the shit out of me for a while before I realised it was real. It drove me fucking crazy. I thought I was a freak.”
Rupert flinched. “Why would you think that?”
“Why do you think? I didn’t know I was supposed to feel that way, or that you felt that way about me.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Jodi said. “Just don’t keep anything else from me. I know you’re worried about putting ideas in my head, but you don’t need to be—they’re already there. Now I just need to know the truth.”
“The truth about what?”
Jodi sighed. “Have you always found it so hard to talk about sex?”
Rupert came further into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. “Actually, yes, but I’d never really tried until I met you. Before then, I did everything I could not to even think about it.”
“But you were married before you met me. Why didn’t you think about sex then?”
“I was married to a woman. The kind of sexyou’retalking about scared the bejesus out of me.”
“Oh.” Jodi processed Rupert’s words and tried to match them with the “Rupert Files” in his brain. “So, you were married, then you split up and came out? And then you met me?”
“Pretty much. Look, I’m not saying we can’t talk about it. I know we should ... that we probably need to. Give me some time, yeah? I’m still getting my head around the fact that you want to be in the same room as me again.”
Jodi felt bad then. It was hard enough to keep up with himself. How the hell did he expect Rupert to? “I’m sorry.”
“I told you: don’t be. I’m over the feckin’ moon. I just need a moment to pull myself together.”
Except that moment was going to be far longer, as Rupert had to leave for work and he wouldn’t be back until the evening. Jodi tried to hide his disappointment. Failed. Rupert put two fingers under Jodi’s chin and gently forced him to meet his gaze.
“We can talk about this later, if you still want to. I promise I won’t freak out. I’m in this for as long as you want me. Just gotta man up.”
It was on the tip of Jodi’s tongue to tell Rupert he was all the man he’d ever need, but was that true? How many men had come before him? Would Rupert know the answer? Did Jodi dare ask?
“Jodi?”
“Hmm?”
Rupert shook his head slightly. “This is surreal, but I’ve got to go. Are you going to be okay today? You’ve got an appointment with Ken, haven’t you?”
Jodi scowled.Fucking Ken... “I’ll be fine. Do we need any shopping?”
“Maybe some bread and some milk? Haven’t had a cuppa yet today. Gonna be raging by the time I get to work. Can you remember the PIN for your debit card?”
“Nope. Gonna get it tattooed on my arse.”
“Good luck looking it up when you’re at the front of the queue in Sainsbury’s. It’s one-seven-nine-three. Start from number one and draw a U shape.” Rupert stood and drifted toward the door. “Sure you’re going to be okay?”
“I’ll befine,” Jodi snapped. “Jesus. It’s not like you’ve never left me.”
“Don’t be an arse.”
“Excuse me?”
Rupert fixed Jodi with a steady gaze. “I said, ‘Don’t be an arse.’ It’s not unreasonable for me to worry about you a little bit. The last time I left you without a second thought, you got mowed down by a stolen car.”
