A surreal calm came over Rupert. He stood and went to Indie’s bedside. She was fast asleep, clutching the battered wolf toy Jodi had bought her from London Zoo soon after Rupert had introduced them. She always slept with it when she came to the flat. In her absence, Rupert had stashed it on top of the fridge, unable to face his failure to give her a stable base while Jodi had been so unwell. Somehow it had found its way home.
Rupert touched Indie’s cheek, for a moment lost in its ethereal smoothness. He hadn’t seen her all week. Had she grown again?
“Rupert?”
Rupert closed his eyes to Jodi’s hoarse whisper. Something had happened in this room while he’d been at work, something huge, and he felt it in every fibre of his being, but he needed this quiet moment, the calm before the storm. And in this turbulent new world, only Indie could give him that. He needed her as much as he needed Jodi. More. But Indie was sleeping, at peace in her world of princesses playing football, or whatever it was she dreamed about. In all her eight years, he’d never known her to have a nightmare. No. The nightmares were his, and he’d take every one if he could spare her a moment of pain. He’d take a bullet for her, and Jodi. He’d die for them both.
Jodi. Rupert breathed a silent sigh and turned away from Indie, treading noiselessly out of the room to Jodi’s side. He crouched down and tentatively brushed Jodi’s hair from his forehead. “What happened?”
“I—I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do. Tell me from the beginning. Why is Indie here?”
“Her mum brought her.”
Rupert had figured that much but swallowed his impatience. Jodi looked shell-shocked, and no good would come from pushing him to explain himself faster. “When?”
“Last night at seven, maybe? Her mum said it was nearly her bedtime.”
“What else did she say?”
“That she’d be back in a few days.”
“That’s it?”
“I think so.”
Jodi’s gaze faltered. For a moment, Rupert thought Jodi might faint, or worse. He slipped Jodi’s good arm over his shoulders. “Come on. Let’s get you up. What are you doing out here anyway?”
“I couldn’t sleep, Rupe. I was so scared I’d break her.”
Rupe. Rupert wanted to cry. It had been so long since Jodi had last called him that. “I can’t believe Jen left her here without telling me. I’m so sorry.”
“Jen? Is that her mum?”
“Yes. She called me earlier, asking me to have Indie here for a few days, but I told her no. This is her way of getting even.”
Jodi took slow, shuffling steps across the hall into the main bedroom, leaning on Rupert for support, a telling sign of how tired he was, until he reached the bed and sank down on it. “I didn’t know her. I opened the door, and she just started yelling. She wouldn’t let me speak, and she was gone before I could tell her I didn’t have a fucking clue who she was.”
Rupert was livid. It was so Jen to show up and dump Indie like a stray cat without a thought for anyone but herself. Lord knew, she’d done it before, to him, to Jodi, but that was before Jodi had survived an accident that could’ve killed him, only to live a life trapped behind a shadow on an MRI scan. Before Jodi had become a man barely able to take care of himself, let alone a child. Rupert had long ago lost the will to bear Jen much ill feeling, but fuck, in that moment hehatedher.
Movement on the bed brought him back to the present. Jodi had scooted across the bed and wrapped his arms around his knees, making himself as small as possible, his gaze apprehensive, perhaps, even afraid.
Rupert touched his arm. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry I didn’t know her.”
“What?”
“I’msorry, okay?” Jodi’s voice rose. “I’m sorry I didn’t remember her, or Indie, or you. I’m sorry I can’t remember anything that matters. I just— I’m trying. I’m trying all the time, then people tell me stuff that doesn’t make any sense, and I don’t know what to do. Then Indie came, and I didn’t know what to do. I made her toast and milk and put her to bed. She made me sit with her, and she was talking to me like I was her best friend, and I didn’t know what to do. I never know what to do. I’m sorry, Rupert. I’m so fucking sorry.”
Jodi broke off with a racking sob that obliterated what was left of Rupert’s shattered heart. He took Jodi in his arms before he truly knew what he was doing, crushing Jodi against him, holding him as tight as he dared, like he could draw the hurt out of him with a simple embrace. “It’s all right, boyo. It’s all right. You’re okay.”
“I’m not, though, am I?” Jodi raised his head. His face was wet, and his eyes more lost than Rupert had ever seen them. “Your daughter knows me better than I know myself, and I can barely remember her name. What’s okay about that?”
Rupert sat back on the bed so Jodi could relax against him—or escape if he needed to. “It’ll get better. Itisgetting better.”
Jodi said nothing, but he made no move to disentangle himself. If anything, he pressed closer, like he was trying to hide away in Rupert’s chest. Rupert hugged him tighter. Seeing Jodi so distraught was gut-wrenching, but he couldn’t deny it felt amazing to hold him. To feel him, touch him, breathe him in, and revel briefly in the fact that Jodi had chosen to be so close. He shut his eyes. Perhaps if neither of them spoke, the world would stop turning and they could stay this way forever.
