“On shift?”
“Yeah.” Rupert busied himself pouring fat into what he hoped was a nonstick baking dish. “It freaked you out when I was late home and you couldn’t get hold of me.”
Jodi’s gaze turned reflective again. “So that’s the answer, eh?”
“The answer to what?”
“Never mind.”
Jodi slipped abruptly from his stool and left the room. Rupert assumed that meant their day together—which had been slightly bizarre by its normality—was over. So he was mildly surprised when Jodi reappeared five minutes later, clutching his phone.
“I called Sophie’s mum. We can google it if we get stuck,” he said. “But I think I can remember what she told me. Can we try?”
Rupert was at the point with his lumpy batter where he’d accept help from just about anyone. He slid the jug across the counter and stepped back. “Have at it, boyo.”
Thirteen
The next day was the second consecutive morning Jodi had come awake feeling halfway human. It was also the second morning he’d woken up with his hand stuck to his dick and his mind freeze-framed on Rupert’s hard chest, leanly muscled biceps, and strong, perfectly veined forearms.
And the umpteenth time he’d wanked over them.
Damn it.Jodi sat up and wrenched his hand from his groin. Vague flashbacks of Rupert helping him to bed after he’d fallen asleep in the armchair filtered into his consciousness, bringing with them an all-too-clear memory of the long hours he’d lain awake after, wrestling with the heat that Rupert’s platonic, caring touch had stirred in him. Heat that hadn’t abated as he’d slept.
Jodi placed his palm on his chest, feeling his heartbeat quicken as he drifted back to the only thing that made his long, lonely nights in the bedroom bearable, but he caught himself as his fingers brushed his cock, and shoved his hand in his pocket.Stop it. You’re not gay.He didn’t feel gay. Hewasn’tgay. Couldn’t be. He liked girls, right?
He closed his eyes and chased down the memories he had of sleeping with Sophie ... her soft skin and rounded body. Her breasts. He thought of other women he’d slept with too: women of all shapes and sizes, beautiful inside and out. Arousal and desire rippled through him, and he took a deep breath, letting his hand drift back to his cock. His mind swam and his body responded, heating his blood and driving sweat from his skin. He lay flat, recalling every touch and sensation, letting them expand and evolve until he had new fantasies, illusions that intensified with each pull and twist until he came with a low cry.
Gasping, he opened his eyes as he spilled onto his stomach, toes curled, heart pounding. Did one straight wank cancel out a week of gay ones? Was that how it worked? Jodi had no idea. Besides, obsessive wanking be damned, none of it explained the primal compulsion he felt to be as close to Rupert as possible. He’d spent weeks avoiding him, hiding in bed or skulking in the bathroom, hoping the yearning would reveal itself as another figment of his battered imagination, and trying to convince himself that his obsession with Rupert would fade, but Rupert had proved him horribly wrong yesterday morning when he’d come home from work early, sheened with sweat, his cheeks flushed from whatever he’d been doing to leave him out of breath. Jesus Christ. The next thing Jodi knew he’d been watching Rupert sleep like some kind of creep, counting his breaths and wondering what it would feel like to trace his strong arms with his fingertips, squeeze his hand, and bury his face in his neck. After that, sausage shopping in Sainsbury’s had seemed like the easy option.
* * *
Rupert was nowhere to be seen when Jodi ventured out of his room later that morning. He searched the flat and came up blank. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he was truly alone.
Jodi stood in the kitchen and absorbed the quiet. He’d pretended to be asleep when Rupert had checked on him just after eight, but the lingering scent of fried onions made him regret it. Closing his eyes, he pictured Rupert fumbling his way through creating Jodi’s patchy recollection of Sophie’s mum’s toad-in-the-hole. Shivering, he found himself missing that curious gaze and gentle smile. He’d been craving solitude for months, but now that he had it, it felt all wrong.
The front door opened. Jodi jumped, but the light footsteps told him it was Sophie, not Rupert. His stomach sank, and he shuddered again. When had Rupert’s absence begun feeling like a hole in his damn heart?
Sophie appeared at his shoulder. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing. What’s the matter withyou?”
“Hope you haven’t been growling at Rupert like that.” Sophie rolled her eyes, clearly unfazed by Jodi’s scowl.
“What if I have? What the fuck does it matter? He’s no different to you, is he?”
“Not really. There’s no reason for you to talk to me like I’m something you stepped in either.”
Her sharp tone caught Jodi off guard, catching his runaway temper in a snare of contrition. “Sorry.”
“You’re forgiven. What’s up? Did you have a bad night?”
“No, not at all. I had a fun night.”
“Fun?” Sophie raised an eyebrow. “That’s not a word I’ve heard you use in a while.”
“Yeah, well.” Jodi pushed past her, lacking the words to explain the Rupert-shaped bubble he’d spent the previous evening in. He left her to whatever it was she did in the kitchen and retreated to the living room to take his pills and go through his daily exercise routines.
He was puffing his way through leg curl when Sophie appeared above him, clutching a plate overflowing with toad-in-the-hole leftovers.
