“Jesus!” Rupert fought for balance, petrified he would fall and take Jodi with him. Common sense reminded him the lights went out on the Tube all the time, but as Jodi wrenched free from Rupert’s grasp, backed against the wall and slid to the floor, covering his head, every ounce of his terror seeped into Rupert’s battered soul.
Nine
Jodi woke up on the couch with a crick in his neck. As had become his normal, it took a few moments to place himself. The ever-present pain came first, radiating through his skull and creeping into every slowly healing injury, then the obligatory groan, the low, animalistic grunt he was never quite sure actually came from him.
He sat up in stages, taking in the dimly lit living room—the low-hung lamp in the corner, the TV flickering on mute. It was late, that much he could tell, but that was about it. What the hell was he doing in the living room and not segregated in the dark haunting bedroom he’d come to think of as a prison cell?
No clarity came to him as he pushed himself upright at last.Shocker ... not, but the sight of Rupert fast asleep on the floor beside him surprised him, until he remembered he was lying in what Rupert called his bed.
Jodi frowned, and an odd sensation crept over him. Guilt? Shame? He couldn’t name it. All he knew was Rupert sleeping on the hard wood floor felt wrong. In fact, everything felt wrong. His bones ached, and his mouth was dry, and the roiling in his belly made him want to puke. Where was Sophie? He needed her. She’d explain it to him.
A click in his brain reminded him that wasn’t right either.She’s not your girlfriend, idiot. Remember?For once he did remember. Sophie was at her own house and the only soul available to fill in the gaps was Rupert, but waking him and begging for reassurance was too much for Jodi to handle. The bloke already did far more than Jodi could ask for from a flatmate.
On cue, Rupert rolled over and opened his eyes. For a moment, he stared, then he sat up in a smooth, effortless movement that almost made Jodi weep with envy.
“What’s up?” Rupert said. “You okay?”
“Um ...”
Rupert waited, like he always did when Jodi lost his words.
Jodi found them. “Why am I out here?”
“You don’t remember?”
“Obviously not.”
He hadn’t meant to snap quite so harshly, if at all, but after a flash of hurt that was gone so quickly Jodi was sure he’d imagined it, Rupert seemed unfazed. He pushed aside the balled up sweatshirt he’d been using as a pillow and leaned forward, like he was checking Jodi for cracks.
Ha. Cracks. If only. Most days—nights—whatever—Jodi felt like a giant fissure had been mined in his soul.
“You had a bit of a turn on the Tube,” Rupert said. “And you might have had a slight seizure when we got back. I’m not sure.”
A seizure? Fucking brilliant. He’d been told about those, but had no memory of the ones he’d had in hospital. “What happened?”
“Er ...” It was Rupert’s turn to stutter. “You didn’t seem to like the Tube. Have you been on it since you came home? I haven’t taken you on it. Has Sophie?”
Jodi thought hard. “No. She keeps taking me on the bus with all the old fogeys.”
Rupert smiled briefly. “Well, you didn’t like it. You had a panic attack, and then the lights went out and I couldn’t get you back. Pretty much carried you home, and you refused to go to bed. Then you collapsed in here. I put you on the sofa when you’d stopped shaking.”
Embarrassment made Jodi’s blood feel warm. Too warm. He kicked away the blanket Rupert must have draped over him. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s what I’m here for. I’ll always look after you, Jodi.”
“Why?” The question escaped Jodi before he could stop it. “Don’t you have anything better to do?”
“Not really.”
Jodi let it go. He’d given up trying to figure people out. They all said he was the one with the problem, but didn’t they understand none of this shit made any fucking sense? What kind of flatmate stuck around when the geezer they lived with lost his bloody marbles and practically needed his arse wiped? Sophie ... Yeah, he got that. He’d accepted that the love he thought he remembered had morphed into one of those friendships that meant the world, but Rupert? Nope. The bloke remained a mystery.
“How are you feeling?”
“Sick,” Jodi said absently. “Thanks for leaving the lights on, though. Probably woulda shat myself if I’d woken up in the dark again.”
Comprehension flashed in Rupert’s gaze. He studied Jodi a moment. “Perhaps that was it: the dark on the Underground, the noise, the heat. Sorry, mate. I should’ve thought about it more before I hustled you on it.”
Why the hell is he apologising?It wasn’t his fault that Jodi had become a bloody fruit loop.
