Rupert smiled wryly. “I’ll bear that in mind.”
“Don’t think on it too much. You’ll drive yourself mad, second-guessing yourself.”
“You sound like my mate Briggs at the station. Only fella who doesn’t think I’m after his nuts. Total pisshead, but salt of the earth. He keeps telling me to go get a fucking shag and be done with it.”
Jodi chuckled. “He’s kinda right, though it’s better with someone you’ve got some kind of bond with. This life gets lonely, sometimes, you know? Sex is easy to come by, but it’s hard to make it mean something.”
“Does this mean something?” Rupert stilled Jodi’s twisting fingers and entwined their hands. “To you? Or do you feel sorry for me?”
“I don’t feel sorry for you. I’d shag you in a heartbeat, but to be honest, mate, tonight, I just want to put my arms around you.”
Rupert squeezed Jodi’s hand. “I’d like that.”
Four
October 26, 2014
“I brought your iPod from home today. It’s got a full battery, and I downloaded that Blur album you thought you’d lost.” Rupert waited for a response, but as usual, there was none. Jodi stared blankly for a moment, before his gaze drifted back to the TV, the only thing that seemed to hold his attention for any length of time.
Rupert sighed and dropped the iPod on the table with a clatter, letting his frustration get the better of him for a moment. Jodi had been “awake” for a month now, but he’d yet to utter a word or focus on the world around him with any real cognisance. He obeyed commands—sit up, hold this, rest your head—but his actions were robotic, like he’d been preprogrammed before the accident to come back and subject Rupert to the world’s cruellest trick.
“Rupert?”
Rupert glanced around. Sophie hovered by the curtain rail, biting her lip. Rupert schooled his features and raised a half smile from the pit of his stomach, beckoning her forward. Sophie had found it even harder than him to reconcile herself with what remained of the eccentric, witty man she’d called her best friend. Some days, it was all Rupert could do to persuade her to hold his hand.
“But he’s so cold, Rupert.”
“Then help me warm him up.”
Sophie touched his arm. “Sorry, Rupe. Have I come at a bad time?”
Rupe. Only Jodi called him that. Rupert’s slowly crumbling heart fractured again. For months, he’d believed he wanted nothing more than for Jodi to be awake and alive, but fuck, it wasn’t enough. It was nowhere near enough, and Rupert couldn’t bear it.
“Rupert?”
Rupert stared at Sophie’s pretty blue eyes and flaxen curls. At her kind smile and honest gaze. It was easy to see why Jodi had loved her for so long, and why he continued to love her, long after their relationship had come to an amicable end. “Yeah?”
“Have you eaten today?”
“Erm ...” He honestly couldn’t remember. His days had fallen into a routine of working, sleeping, and sitting at Jodi’s bedside while Jodi fixated on the TV.
Sylvester, the physical therapist who coaxed Jodi from the bed three times a day, teaching him to stand and walk again, appeared around the curtain. “Evening, Jodi. Are you ready to go back to bed and do some work on your arm?”
Jodi held out his hands without looking at Sylvester, even when Sylvester took them to help him stand.
Rupert had to turn away. Watching Jodi struggle to perform such simple tasks was too much on the best of days, but today it hurt more than ever.
Sophie tugged his arm. “Come on. You need a dirty burger.”
Rupert let her drag him across the street to the dodgiest McDonald’s in South London. She parked him at a sticky table and went to the counter. She returned with four Big Macs and enough nuggets to feed an engine crew.
“Eat.” She stuck a straw in a large milkshake and slid it across the table. “I don’t care how much, just humour me, yeah?”
Rupert knew better than to argue. Sophie reminded him of his long-dead gran back in Dublin—gentle, sweet, and thoroughly terrifying. He picked up a burger and peeled away the greasy paper, swallowing his apprehension as the scent of fat and spooky processed meat invaded his senses. The first bite tasted far better than it should have. He took another, and another, until the burger was gone.
Sophie passed him a second and the stern worry in her gaze faded a touch. “Should we get something for Jodi?”
Rupert shook his head. “They’re still weaning him on soup and toast, not that he’s eating much. I don’t think he understands why he has to.”
