I opened my eyes. “We’ve been at war since my dad died. I met Saint two months before that, and I was in deep the moment I saw him, but the club needed him more—neededallof you, on a council they could trust was led by my head and not my fucking dick and my heart.”
“Wetrusted you,” Rubi said. “We still do.That wouldn’t have changed if you’d been with Saint. It ain’t changed now.”
“Yeah, well. Time and hindsight are wonderful things. But there’s something else too—something I only realised when I met Alexei. I was scared, man. I watched my mum die because she couldn’t live without my dad, and I knew I’d love Saint that much if I let myself and...” I choked, but forced the words out the way he so often couldn’t. “I couldn’t lose him like that. I’d have thrown myself off a fucking cliff and I had too many people depending on me.”
Nash leaned back in his chair, eyes heavy with fatigue. “He’s always lovedyouthat much. You never asked him what he wanted?”
“What do you think?”
Nash blew out a sigh that seemed to age his pretty face ten years. “I think it’s not always about what people want, bro. It’s about giving them what they need.”
“Wise words.”
“Call me the oracle from now on.”
“Yeah, okay.” I turned back to Mateo. He nodded, letting me know I’d pacified him for now, and I wondered if his questions had been for his benefit or Saint’s. They were as close as Saint ever got to anyone who wasn’t me.
Or Alexei.
“All right.” I scrubbed a hand down my face. “I know we’ve got a lot more shit to work through, and IknowI’ve fucked up, as president, and as whatever I am to him, but I’m gonna fix it, okay? I just need time. And, like I said, I need you to not get in his face about this. Dude needs to breathe, and we gotta let him.”
“What about Alexei?”
My gaze snapped back to Mateo. “What about him?”
“He’s protecting us,” Mateo said. “Protectingyou. What if things get shitty and you don’t want to bang each other’s brains out anymore? What happens to the truce he’s brokered for us then?”
“I don’t know.” Fuck, I was sick of those words, but the truth was all I had. I didn’t lie to my brothers. I couldn’t. “This is so fucking messy,” I said to no one in particular.
Rubi shoved his chair back. For a moment, I thought he would walk out like Saint had, but he came to me and gave me a careful, fraternal hug instead.
“It’ll be okay, Cam. He looked at you the same way Saint does.”
Another twisted laugh escaped me. “And how’s that?”
“Like he’d burn the world down for you.” Rubi let me go. “Are we done here? I gotta sleep before my head explodes.”
I reared back to look at him. “You doing okay? You shouldn’t have been riding yesterday.”
“You’d prefer it if I’d left your sister here?”
“You brought her right back.”
“I’m not taking responsibility for that. Nash is the daft cunt who gave her a hog and a fucking machete. She was going to cut my nuts off.”
I could believe that. Orla was as fierce as our mother, and I was as sentimental as my dad. I let it go. Orla on a bike was something I’d have to get used to, but I would. This was a new dawn, and she deserved her piece of it.
Rubi left.
Mateo rose too. “I’m going back.”
Embry. I nodded. “I’ll be there as soon as I don’t look like I’ve been in a shoot-out.”
It was the only reason I wasn’t haunting Embry’s bedside. A single instance of knife crime could be written off as random. A hoard of bloody bikers milling around in its wake?
That was attention we didn’t need.
I stood to embrace Mateo.
