I pulled him into a hug, hating that he smelled of the hospital. “All right?”
Still in my embrace, Rubi shrugged. “They gave me good drugs that put me in a coma for two days. I feel good, man. You should try it sometime.”
The only respite I’d had from this bullshit was the time I’d spent with Alexei.
Alexei andSaint, and like he’d heard his name whisper through my brain, Saint appeared.
He was the only brother not to hug Rubi, but he pulled out his chair for him, gestured for him to sit, and thunked a bowl of chilli leftover from the night before in front of him. “Hospital food.”
Rubi grinned. “Thanks, brother.”
Saint nodded and left the chapel.
After greeting Rubi, the others followed, and Rubi began eating with an enthusiasm that let me know he really was feeling better.
I relaxed a little, but the guilt remained.
“How are things?” Rubi asked.
I shook my head. “You’re on sick leave.”
“Sick what?”
“You heard me.”
“You benching me, Cam?”
“I am. For a month. No riding, no work, no stress.”
Rubi started to laugh before he digested that I wasn’t joking. “The fuck do you expect me to do if I ain’t working?”
“Rest.”
“Here? We’re on lockdown.”
“Yeah, I know. There’s a flaw in my plan cos I can’t send you home, but I don’t give a fuck. You can hole up in my room and watch porn twenty-four seven for all I care, but I’m done taking avoidable risks with my brothers.”
“Did River get to you?”
“River?” My brows rose. “What’s he got to do with it?”
“The avoidable risk soundbite. Sounds like him.”
“He ain’t always wrong.”He’s never wrong. “Just do as you’re told, okay? I can’t worry about anything else right now.”
Rubi cleared his plate, then sat back in his seat. “I can’t hide upstairs while we’re at war. I’d rather shoot myself.”
“You were in so much pain a few days ago youaskedme to shoot you,” I countered. “And it’s fucking haunting me. I need you, brother, I told you that already, but I can’t live with myself knowing that I’m not giving you whatyouneed.”
“I should be at your side. It’s who I am.”
I leaned forward and grasped Rubi’s shoulder. “I know, but—”
My phone cut me off. I’d have ignored it, but madness had led me to assign a shrill ringtone to Alexei’s number so I wouldn’t miss his call again.
Fuck. I reached for it on autopilot before my conscience made me stop. I needed Alexei, but Rubi needed me.
The call rang out and, I swear to god, a piece of me died.
