Jax gives me a wry smile that does nothing to make me calm the fuck down. “Yeah. It’s not a bad thing, though. I…really fucking like you. I just can’t do that and live on your couch at the same time.”
I don’t want him to live on my couch. I want him in my bed. But I also want him to be happy and feel safe, and not wake up every day worrying that whatever plays out between us will make him homeless again.
He’s right. He can’t stay here.
But, man, I don’t want him to go. “Where is this apartment anyway? It’s Old Man Joe’s, right?”
Jax smirks. “Right. It’s three blocks away.”
“Oh.”
“I know, right? It’s not so bad.”
It really isn’t. My treacherous imagination had already moved him out of Burlington. Three blocks is a five-minute walk. We can still eat together, chill, sleep, whatever, but we can breathe too. Despite the squeeze in my chest at the thought of him leaving, I know we both need that.
I have to get back to work. I don’t ask Jax if he’s leaving tonight because his face already says that he is. Instead, I crowd him against the office door and reach into his back pocket where I know he keeps the key I gave him to my place. The metal is warm where it’s been pressed against his body. It grounds me. I pull the key out and press it into his palm. “Keep this and use it anytime you want, day or night.”
It’s as close to a goodbye as I can manage.
* * *
Jax
I’m still wearing Tanner’s clothes. I have the money to buy more, but he doesn’t want his bag of tricks back, and I don’t care about how I look enough to replace them. Not that I look bad in Tanner’s clothes. He’s one of those blokes who makes being cool seem effortless, and his faded jeans and warm shirts make me feel good.
And they still smell of him too, of wood and smoke. As if I don’t already know he’s not a city boy.
Jerry hasn’t mentioned him since our round-table talk at the lookout point. He knows I moved out, though, and I can tell he doesn’t like it, even though renting his buddy’s place was his idea.
We come home early on Friday and he drops me off in the parking lot behind V and V instead of the one by my apartment three streets away. “I want a beer,” he says by way of explanation.
“Yeah, well. I need a shower, so you have fun with that.”
I leave Jerry in his truck and walk away. It’s cute that he’s probably noticed I’m moping over the lack of tall, inked mountain men in my everyday life, but I can’t handle being maneuvered. So I go home and take my shower before I head straight back to the bar on my own fucking terms.
By then, Jerry is nowhere to be seen, and it feels strange to be coming into the bar for no other reason than I want to drink cider and lay eyes on Tanner.
I try not to make it too obvious that he’s all I want to see, but Molly clocks me as soon as I walk in. She grabs my arm and drags me to a quiet corner. “Where’ve youbeen? Tanner told me you were going to film the next open-mic night and then you disappeared fordays.”
“Only two.” I take her hand off my arm. Not because I mind being touched by chicks I barely know, but her nails aresharp. “Did you miss me?”
“Of course. You’re my favorite customer.”
“You’ve served me once and I made you cry. What do you actually want from me?”
Rumbled, Molly lets her smile shine brighter. “I want to ask if you’ll shoot my whole set, not just the bar stuff Tanner asked you for.”
“He didn’t ask me for anything in particular.”
“Eh, he never does. But I know what he needs, and it’s not ten minutes of me warbling my best impression of a Nashville reject.”
“Warbling? That’s not what I’ve heard people say about you.”
Molly snorts. “Whatever. Will you help me? I need the footage for my performance class and my boyfriend bailed on me.”
“Nice boyfriend.”
“He’s an asshole.”
