“Then what?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you going to come home?”
“Where else would I go?”
Malevolence sharpened Billy’s gaze. “Is that a real question?” But his expression melted the moment the words left his soft lips. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
“I know.”
“Do you? Cos we seem to have lost track of each other, and I don’t mean the freaky stuff we did in your bed.”
If what I felt for Billy was as simple as wanting to fuck him again, maybe the ache in my chest wouldn’t have been there. Perhaps I’d have been able to breathe when I looked at him, and the promise I was about to make wouldn’t have to be kept. “Look, just leave me alone for a bit, okay? I’ll get my shit together, and we can talk later, when I get home.”
Billy made a noise low in his throat as if he knew the prospect of me getting myself together was a million miles away. He turned on his heel, stomped downstairs, and slammed the front door. I half expected him to get in the van and sulk until I was done. I peeked through the landing window, hoping for a miracle, but he was already walking away.
I watched him disappear around the corner, my pulse stuttering with every step he took away from me. Fingernails scraped my heart, and my chest literally ached for him. What the hell was I doing? We couldn’t be lovers, we’d proved that already, but this was killing me, and I knew him well enough to know his blank stare was hiding a riot.
Billy was angry, and hurt, and more than that, he was lonely. Before we’d set a grenade beneath us, I’d been the only soul he’d talk to for days. Now I’d taken it away from him because I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants.
He’s got Luke, though. That’s the point. He doesn’t need you.But my heart called bullshit, and for the umpteenth time that day, I felt like I could puke. Head spinning, I lowered myself out of the loft hatch and crouched on the exposed floorboards, sucking in deep breaths that went nowhere. I reached out to steady myself but somehow missed the floor, and I fell forward, cracking my head on the banister.
Super.Anything else you wanna throw at me?There was no reply from whatever monster inside me was trying to ruin my day for good. I pulled myself together and slumped against the banister, rubbing the sore spot on my temple. It hurt more than it should’ve done, and blinding pain took root behind my eyes.
I took another deep breath and resigned myself to the fact that I was probably done working for the day, and tried to recall how long ago Billy had left. The buses round here were sporadic at best. There was every chance he hadn’t gone anywhere yet...if I was thinking of the right place. All at once, I could barely remember where I was.
With fumbling hands, I fished my phone from my pocket and tapped at the screen. Nothing happened. Either my phone was dead, or I could no longer feel my hands.
