I did. I remembered Billy reading Colin Dan books and telling me Sandgrove was like White Deer Park. We’d even gone out hunting for the fictional woodland community, but we’d got lost, and our dad had found us not far from where I sat now.
I still felt lost asI absorbed what Mia was telling me. It shouldn’t have shocked me that she’d moved on, butmarried? Shit. I imagined her in a big white dress, long hair flowing, eyes sparkling...all for someone else when it could’ve been for me.Should’vebeen for me, if life hadn’t got in the way. My only selfish comfort was he clearly hadn’t made her happy. She hadn’tlovedhim, so perhaps her heart was as stuckin the past as mine.
Mia nudged me. “What’s the matter?”
“Hmm?”
“You went somewhere.”
“Did I?”
“Yes. Is it so bad being here with me?”
“Wouldn’t be here if it was.”
My phone chimed in my pocket. I retrieved it and squinted at the screen.
Billy:lke u bro but not got the toolbox yet
I sighed. Two days of trying to get hold my brother and this was the nonsenseI got back. I tossed the phone on the wooden table.
Mia peered at the screen. “Billy?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Where’s he living these days?”
“Somewhere up north.”
“Somewhere?”
“Yeah, apparently we’re both good at fucking off.”
Mia raised a delicate eyebrow. “This isn’t the same. He knew where you’d gone, vaguely, at least.”
Billy had never told me about any conversations he’dshared with Mia after I’d left. Curiosity burned my soul, but Mia spoke again before I could formulate a coherent question.
“Is he okay? Gus said he went a little wild.”
I snorted. “Gus is being kind.”
“So be unkind and tell me the truth.”
Because life’s just that fucking easy?I dropped my elbows onto the table and leaned on my folded arms. “There isn’t much to tell. He got inwith a bad crowd a few years ago and started banging coke and drinking a lot. He’s always been a handful, but Fran couldn’t deal with him on her own. She had to kick him out, so he disappeared.”
“But you still speak to him?”
“I try. It’s hard when we’re both stubborn enough to only make contact when shit’s gone wrong.”
Mia eyed my phone again. “You should probably text him back then.”
“No point now. He’s obviously wankered. I’ll do it tomorrow.”
She looked as though she wanted to argue, but it turned out to be one of the rare moments she held her tongue. Or maybe she’d changed. Maybemarriagehad changed her.
I reached across the picnic table and took her hand, bracing myself for her to snatch it back.
She didn’t.
