Gus took thedrill out of my hand. “It’s quarter to seven. I know we work later in the summer, but you’re taking the piss right now.”
He said it with a grin, but the concern lurking in his earnest gaze got under my skin. I stood from where I’d been re-laying the decking we’d taken up to work on the conservatory. “You can go if you want.”
“You’re not coming?”
“Nah. I want to finish this tonight.”
“Why? We’re back here tomorrow anyway to wait for the new panels.”
“So? They’ll take an hour to fit. No need to be here all day.”
“Mate, there’s no need to be here all night either.”
I shrugged and reclaimed my drill. Gus sighed and wandered off. I thought he’d gone, but he reappeared a little while later with a sausage roll and a Capri Sun.
“I’ve cleaned up,” he said. “You’lljust need to sweep and pack the tools away.”
“Thanks.”
“No worries.”
He still didn’t leave. I laid a couple more boards, then gave in and downed tools. “Fuck’s sake, what do youwant?”
Gus stepped closer. “I want to know you’re okay before I go home. You’ve been all over the place today and you look like shit. Is something wrong?”
Nothing that I could explain to him, but Iknew Gus well enough to know he wouldn’t leave me alone without at least a cursory explanation. Excuse. Bullshit. Whatever. “I’m just tired, man. I was up late trying to get hold of Billy.”
“Oh.” Gus’s expression cleared a little. “Is he off the rails again?”
“Was he ever back on them?”
I didn’t feel bad for blaming my wayward brother for my lingering bad temper. Truth be told, Ihadspent the previous night trying to track him down, even if I’d used it as a distraction from sex-dreaming about Mia.
Gus put his hand on my arm, then took it off immediately.
Guilt surged through me. Gus was a tactile motherfucker, but a year after he’d come out to me, and he was still jumpy about touching me. As if I was the kind of arsehole who’d jerk away from him.
I pulled himinto a fraternal hug, and the comfort of his big warm arms was instant. He was Mia’s brother, and I had one of my own out there somewhere, but God, I loved this man. “I’m all right, mate. I promise. Just got some shit in my head I need to work through, okay?”
Gus nodded and knocked his head on my shoulder. “Okay. Call me, though, yeah? If you need anything? I’m going out tonight, but I canbail early if you want to get a pint and talk?”
“I’m good. Use a condom, and don’t take drugs.”
“Fuck off.”
Gus punched me and stepped away, shooting me one last glance before he left. I felt a little bad for making him trek a mile home on foot, but not bad enough to abandon the distraction of work. Only nightfall stopped me an hour later, and by then, the fog in my brain had finallybegun to dissipate.
Fucking Mia had been an inevitable mistake after she’d laid it out for me. I didn’t regret it—how could I when being with her for just one night had taken me so fucking high?—but I couldn’t go there again. I’d worked too hard to rebuild my life to let it slip back to the numbness I’d left Rushmere with all those years ago—the numbness that had been the only thing shieldingme from losing my dad and leaving her. For so long I’d felt nothing. Then I’d felt everything, and it had nearly damn killed me.
I warded off more flashbacks and drove home, bypassing the gym even though my limbs held a restlessness only pounding some weights would cure. Pounding weights or—
Fuck’s sake.I shrugged that off too and threw my van distractedly onto my driveway. The sausageroll Gus had left me was long gone, and sulking through lunch had left me starving. Dinner and a cold shower called my name.
But Mia and a pizza box waited on my doorstep.
