Toby’s open gaze deepened to another frown. “The first time I ever saw Rhys he was sitting on that bench over there. He was crying. I never found out why, but I’ve seen him cry loads of times since. He’s not a machine. Harry worries about him all the time.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because I listen. And because Joe tells me stuff by accident.”
“By accident?”
“Yeah, he gets mad and throws stuff around when he’s worried, and it all comes out. He’s not so good at hiding his feelings.”
“Probably healthier that way.”
“Yeah, I think so. I tried not to get upset when my mum died, but Joe and George made me talk about it till I cried, and I felt better after.”
Thinking about Toby crying made me feel sick. And not touching him was becoming an itch beneath my skin I couldn’t ignore.
I nudged my way between his knees and put my hands on his strong thighs. Sliding them up to his hips would’ve been so easy, but I didn’t do it. “I’m glad you have good friends.”
“You have friends too.”
“I know.”
“Do you? Because sometimes you talk as if you’re all alone, and you’re not. At least, you don’t have to be.”
“I know that too.”
Silence cloaked us. Toby’s flesh and bone was so warm beneath my palms I pictured myself getting sucked into his skin like quicksand, disappearing inch by inch until no part of me remained cold. It was a little freaky, but I liked it.
“I didn’t cry when my dad died,” Toby said suddenly. “I was relieved. Does that make me an evil person?”
I found his gaze again. Somehow, I’d got lost in his denim-clad thighs. “What was your dad like?”
“Old school. He drank a lot and shouted at me for not being a real man.”
“He sounds like an arsehole.”
“I guess he was. I didn’t see it like that, though. He was just my dad, and I felt bad I wasn’t the son he wanted. Like, if I had been, maybe he’d have been happier, you know?”
“You don’t owe someone their happiness.”
“I know, but the way I think isn’t always the same as the things I know.”
My heart flipped another irrevocable summersault. I took my hands from his thighs and opened my arms. “Come here.”
“What?”
“Comehere.” I pulled him off the gate and into my arms. We slotted together like puzzle pieces. I was taller, slightly broader, but as Toby returned my fierce embrace, he had a strength that grounded me, and I clung to him in a hug that went on and on and on.I could hold him forever.
13
Cole
Just do it. What’s the worst that could happen?I had zero clue. So I pressed the fucking buttons.
Cole:come over after dinner
Toby:are you coming to the house?
Cole:yeah, but want you after
