A full-body shudder passed through me. And not the good kind I was used to around Cole. “No one can do what Joe does. The things he’s seen... I’d lose my mind.”
“I get that. I compared myself to Rhys for a long time before I realised we were just wired different.”
“I don’t compare myself to Joe.”
Cole said nothing. Which was louder than him screaming in my face.
“Idon’t.”
Still nothing.
Frustration ripped through me. I stepped closer. Changed my mind and stepped back. I wanted to shove him off the bar and push his non-words back into his mouth. I wanted to kiss him, touch him, and do all the things I’d never done. Things I didn’t know how to do. But, god, I wanted to. And I hated that. Hated that my fascination with a beautiful man was sidelined by a crazed attraction I couldn’t seem to control. “I need to lock up.”
Cole slid off the bar. For once he had shoes on, but his feet still made no sound on the rustic wooden floor. He moved on me with none of the hesitation and doubt coursing through my veins. Two fingers pressed under my chin, forcing me to look at him. He sighed. “Look, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, okay? I never meant to, and if you want to stay away from each other—”
“I don’t.”
“It doesn’t matter either way. I’m saying it’s fine if you do. I like you, Toby. And I’d like us to be friends, but not at the expense of your normal.”
“My normal?”
“Dinner. You’d have stayed if I hadn’t been there. Eaten with your mates. Your family.”
It wasn’t a question. I nodded slowly regardless. “I would’ve done. But if you hadn’t been there, I would never have known it could feel this way.”
“What could?”
Madness overcame me. I kissed him, chasing the rollercoaster of sensation from before, and I didn’t have to look far. I was dizzy from it, swaying on my feet again. I clutched at Cole for purchase and he steadied me, hands sure and firm on my hips.
If I could’ve kissed him forever, everything would’ve been okay. But nothing in my life had ever lasted forever.
Cole pulled back. He fixed me with a stare I felt from my heart to the pit of my stomach. “You’re trembling.”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Does it matter?”
“If you’re afraid of me, then yes, Toby. It does matter.”
I snorted. “I’m not scared of you.”
“Then what is it?”
“I’m scared of... this.” I gestured wildly between us. “And not because it’s you. I’ve always been like this with blokes. I can kiss girls just fine, but I...” Dammit. I ran out of words.
Cole squeezed my hips and stepped away. “I wish you weren’t scared of how you feel, but I get it.”
“No, you don’t. You’re so comfortable in your own skin, I can tell.”
“You can’t tell anything with assumption, mate. But whatever. Sounds to me like you need to spend some time with a dude and let it all happen. Let him teach you, if that’s what you want. Running from it won’t make it better.”
“Teach me?” I sniggered. “You mean like a sex coach? Who the fuck would have the patience for that? You?”
Cole shrugged. “If you want.”
6
