His dark eyes held a suspicion I deserved, but he let it go. He put his Lexus in gear and pulled out of the car park.
It was the first time I’d seen daylight for quite some time. I winced and pulled my hood up.
Dom glanced at me. “You could do with a shower and some clean clothes.”
“Yeah.”
“I can take you home, if you want? Stay with you there?”
“I don’t want to go home.”
“Ever? Or just for today?”
I didn’t have an answer that didn’t end in a scream. I sank into the heated leather seat and closed my eyes. Dom put the radio on. It was the same oldies station Sam’s parents listened to. I couldn’t name the artists or tracks, but the familiarity hurt. I’d been so close to a normal relationship and yet so fucking removed from it at the same time. I wanted to sit in their kitchen and eat chips with them while they treated me like one of Sam’s school friends. I wanted to tell them I loved their son and I’d be in their lives forever.
But I didn’t know how.
Dom took me to a house in Tottenham. It was nowhere near as flashy as I expected for the amount of money I knew he still had. It was an ordinary terraced house with a cosy kitchen, a cat, and a lizard tank.
“It’s a gecko,” he said when he caught me looking. “I bought it by mistake when I was trying to get to know Isha’s boyfriend.”
“What’s he like?”
“The gecko or the boyfriend?”
“Both? I think? I dunno.” I shook my head to clear it. Nothing happened.
Dom pointed to an open door. “Go sit down. I’ll be there in a minute.”
I drifted through the door and into Dom’s living room. Battered chesterfield couches took up most of the space around the kind of fireplace I’d been dreaming of for me and Sam. I sat down. Dom came into the room and crouched in front of the bundle of logs and newspaper. He lit the fire and drew a leather ottoman up to the couch. He said something. I replied. And it went on and on until the warmth of the glowing fire took me somewhere else.
* * *
“There you are.” I blinked. Dom was standing in front of me in the kitchen, smiling. “I thought you’d be out for the night.”
“Huh?”
“Sleeping,” he clarified. “You were dead to the world. You want a shower? I stole some of Cash’s clothes for you. You’re about the same size.”
“Cash?”
“He lives here. He’s away at the moment, though, so it’s just me and Lucky.”
Lucky was Dom’s boyfriend, the one the paps followed around and snapped at work, like they had Sam. I’d met him once, and he was as nice as he was pretty.
Not as pretty as Sam, though. Not to me.
Dom nudged me. “Shower. The clothes are in there already.”
Lacking any better ideas, I followed his directions to the downstairs bathroom and got in the shower. I missed the clunky dials from the bathroom at home, but the hot water felt amazing on my sore skin. A grey puddle formed at my feet. It looked like shame. I stared at it and pondered my next move. I’d rocked up in Dom’s life without a plan. He’d listened when I’d poured my heart out to him in front of the fire, but I’d passed out before he’d had time to respond.
The clothes he’d left me were hippy trousers and a T-shirt with a giant rabbit on the front.
“It’s a hare, actually,” he said when I slunk into the kitchen. “Cash and his dude are animal rights activists.”
“Sounds fun.”
“Sometimes. Listen, I’m going to make you something to eat, but I’ve got to tell you, I called someone while you were asleep. They’re on their way over.”
