“Fruity?”
“Nah. All mixed up.”
Ollie laughed. Not for the first time, it took Shay to another planet. “I think that’s a line fromBirds of a Feather,” Ollie said.
Shay resisted the urge to nudge him. “Sue me.”
“Are you rich?”
“Only in things that matter.”
Ollie hummed again, but it was distant this time, and Shay let him be. This quiet time was sacred, and despite spending the last two nights wrapped up in each other, he couldn’t quite believe it was real.
“I’m sorry, you know,” Ollie said after a while.
“What for?”
Ollie shrugged. “For dropping my shit on you in the middle of the night. I didn’t mean to.”
“Didn’t mean to do it then, or didn’t mean to do it at all?”
“Both. Neither. I don’t know. I was having a bit of a headfuck about it earlier, but then I started imagining how it would be if we’d never met, and I figured that would be worse.”
“I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
Ollie snorted. “Then I need to try a bit harder. If it’s any consolation, I feel nice things when you’re around.”
Shay stopped walking. “What are we doing?”
“Huh?” Ollie trailed to a stop too. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t be obtuse, Ollie.”
“Obtuse?”
“Yeah. I know big words too.”
“It’s six letters long.”
“Don’t be a twat. I’m not asking for declarations here, mate. I just need to know—”
“Need to know what?” Ollie snapped as shadows descended on his gorgeous face like nightmares falling from the sky. “Every fault and flaw before you decide if I’m worth the hassle? Because I can save us both the trouble by confirming I’m really fucking not.”
“Ollie—”
“Don’t. Just—” Ollie tore his arm free and threw up his arms as if to shove Shay back from him. “Just don’t bother. I’ve told you before… everything you can’t see is a mess, and that’s not going to change. Besides, the tour ends in two weeks. What the fuck do you think is going to happen next?”
He was flushed by the time he’d finished his expletive-heavy rant, and his accent had thickened to the point where Shay feared for a moment that he barely recognised him. Hurt lashed his heart, and his eyes grew damply hot. Ollie was going to walk away from him, again, and by doing so would prove himself right because nothing would change.
No.
Shay made a grab for Ollie. Ollie stepped away. Shay reached for him again, and Ollie backed himself against a tree, the light impact unnaturally loud on the quiet waterside. He sucked in a shaky breath. His cheeks were still stained pink from the tirade that had come from somewhere Shay had never seen, but his eyes were different now. Distant. Lost. But there was something else too. Something that frightened Shay more than anything.
Defeat.
“Ollie.”
“Shay.” Ollie closed his eyes. He balled his hands into fists, and he seemed to shrink against the bark as though that would hide him from Shay… and from the rest of the world. “I can’t do this.”
