He nudged Shay, forcing him to meet his gaze. “I’ve never shown anyone what’s left of me, not even my mum. And I don’t know how to fix that.”
Shay swallowed hard, a tremor running through his slim frame. “It wouldn’t change how I saw you.”
“It’s changed how you see me already. I can tell.”
“Ollie—”
“Shh.” Ollie tapped his finger to Shay’s lips. “I don’t want sympathy. I just need you to know why I am how I am. So you never think it’s your fault.”
“But—”
Ollie shook his head. “Go back to sleep, okay? I’ll stay with you, I promise.”
Chapter Fourteen
Shay wasstuck in a twilight zone where Ollie handed out brain-melting blow jobs with one hand and devastating bombshells with the other. Also, in the cold light of the early morning, the possibility that he’d dreamed some of it was totally a thing. Only the fact that Ollie lay asleep beside him made it seem real.
Ollie was fully clothed and on top of the duvet. Shay scowled. It was too cold for that shit, and he wanted to cuddle against Ollie’s back without freezing to death. He sat up and reached for a hoodie, prepared to sacrifice the covers for the opportunity to wrap his arms around Ollie.
The bus doors opened and closed as he was slipping it over his head. Light footsteps tapped down the aisle.Corina. She poked her head around Shay’s curtain and rolled her eyes. She disappeared, only to return with the duvet from the bunk she rarely slept in.
Shay opened his mouth to thank her.
She tapped her lips and vanished.
Problem solved, Shay spread the duvet over the narrow bunk and lay back down, grateful that Ollie’s jeans were so battered they were nice and soft, and that the lack of space meant he could press up close to him without looking like a needy weirdo.
You are a needy weirdo.
Whatever.
Exhausted from travelling, performing, and angsting over Ollie, it didn’t take Shay long to drift back to sleep. The warmth of Ollie in his arms was soothing, and his heart quieted. Maybe when it was really morning they could get breakfast and talk some more. Or maybe not.
Maybe Ollie was done talking and what he’d already said would be enough.
* * *
Ollie wasawake. Shay knew it like he knew the draught torturing his exposed bare foot was coming from the fucking Arctic. But he didn’t move. Didn’t dare. At some point they’d shifted on the bed, rolling over so Ollie was behind him, arms vice-like around Shay’s waist, his morning wood deliciously hard against Shay’s leg.I want to stay like this forever.
But wishful thinking got Shay nowhere. A few blissful seconds later, Ollie kissed the back of Shay’s neck and rolled away.
Shay played possum while Ollie sat up and did something with the curtain. He wondered if Ollie would slip away like he had the last time they’d shared a bed. When he didn’t immediately disappear, Shay took a chance, turned over, and opened his eyes.
Ollie was staring right at him, his expression as unguarded as Shay had ever seen it.It really happened.
Shay blinked as images of Ollie lying helpless in the back of a car, surrounded by smoke, blood, and flames flashed, unbidden, through his mind. He couldn’t imagine pain like that, or what it did to a man. Ollie had said it had happened a few years ago. Perhaps his physical wounds had healed, but Ollie hadn’t. Shay’s heart cried out.I’m so sorry this happened to you.“You stayed,” he said stupidly instead.
Ollie said nothing. Just tucked a stray lock of hair behind Shay’s ear, but that he made no move to leave the bed was everything.
Shay found his hand and squeezed. “Lie down again?”
Ollie shrugged. “If you want.” He slid down the bed as though they woke up like this every morning. And if he noticed the multiplying duvets, it didn’t show.
Shay wasn’t in the mood for a loaded silence, so he found the news channel on his phone and propped it up on the shelf. It was the smallest makeshift TV in the world, but it did the job, and with the scent of coffee drifting past the curtain from whoever had ventured out of bed first, he could almost pretend they were at home. His home. Ollie’s home. Didn’t matter.
Reality was never far away, though. Shay reached for his medical bag and dug out the glucose monitor. He wasn’t in the mood for this shit either, but it was one of the few things in life he’d never be able to choose his way out of.
Ollie took the kit from him. “I can do it.”
