Jumbo mumbled something. Shay wasn’t done, but the will to chew Jumbo out faded as sharply as it had arrived. Another sigh escaped him, and he cast his gaze around the bus, searching for Ollie’s dark head even though heknewhe wasn’t there. Was the rest of the tour going to be like this? Ollie coming and going, and Shay getting whiplash trying to cope with it? The emo band was becoming more appealing by the day.God, I’m pathetic.
Tired of his own head, Shay leaned on Jumbo, letting the big man put his arm around him. “I kind of want to kill you,” he admitted.
“I know.” Jumbo squeezed him. “But I reckon you’ll have to get in line. Ollie’s fierce, eh?”
“Is that your way of apologising for being a twat to him too?”
“It’s me practicing for when I see him, but yeah, I’m sorry about that too. I didn’t mean what I said, and even if I had, I wouldn’t think you and Ollie together was a bad thing. I like him.”
“You don’t like anyone I—”
“I didn’t like the last mope you were with because he was a douche canoe. If you rocked up with someone half-decent, I’d bake you a fucking cake.”
In spite of himself, Shay laughed. “You’re such a poet.”
“Aye, that’s why we leave the lyrics to you, but I’m serious, man. I like Ollie, and he scared the fuck out of me when he booted me across the bus.”
He’d scared the shit out of Shay, too, even though Shay’s intention had been to attempt the same. “I think he could take you.”
Jumbo grunted his agreement. “Anyway. I’m sorry I’m a prick, and you forgive me, which means we can talk about the rest of it now.”
“The rest of it?”
“Uh-huh. Now I’m back in your good books, I want to know what’s really going on between you and the ninja cameraman.”
“You’re not back in my good books. Even if you’re sorry enough to climb into bed with me, you’re still going to cost us a fortune in roadie fees.”
“Don’t worry about that. I’ll cover it.”
“How? You spend every penny we earn on partying.”
“Shay. I’ll sort it, okay? I’m going to be on my best behaviour from now on. Don’t change the subject.”
Shay took refuge under Jumbo’s side and groaned. “Stop talking. Can’t you just pay your penance and be my human pillow?”
Jumbo laughed. “Nope. I promised your ma I’d always interfere in your love life on her behalf, so here I am.”
Shay could believe that. His mother had adored Jumbo—mostly because he’d eaten her out of house and home every time he’d come round, and he’d called her Mrs Maloney for the entire decade he’d been in Shay’s life. “Don’t use my dead mother to bully me.”
“You really don’t want to talk about it?”
Shay raised his head. It was on the tip of his tongue to rebuke Jumbo again, but there was something else too. Something that felt not unlike the constant war he fought with his pancreas. Being diabetic was like chasing a never-ending beam of light. It was always there, but he rarely caught up with it. Understanding Ollie had become just as frustrating. Consuming. And a battle he’d likely never win. “I’ve only known him a few weeks.”
Jumbo didn’t blink. “So? Didn’t your parents get married a month after they met? Maybe it’s in the blood to know how you feel about someone the moment you meet them.”
“I’m not my parents, and blood-wise, I never will be. Besides, I have zero idea how I feel about Ollie. Just that I feel… I don’t know. Fucking upside down every time I look at him.”
“Okay, first of all, I wasn’t talking about literal blood. More that your parents raised you to be honest with your emotions. Secondly, it’s no surprise Ollie turns you upside down. The dude is a closed book. I can’t even get him to tell me what beer he likes.”
Shay’s head was too fuzzy to make sense of Jumbo’s cereal-box psychology. “How is that related?”
“Think about it, mate. If he can’t let even the small shit go, how hard do you think it is for him to talk about stuff that matters?”
Jumbo grinned like he’d brought world peace to the table, but Shay wanted to cry. Because Olliehadtold him stuff that mattered, and Shay still didn’t know him at all.
“I don’t think he likes me like that anyway,” Shay said after a while. “Did you see his face when you called me his boyfriend?”
Jumbo winced. “I did, but it didn’t make me think he didn’t want what I said to be true.”
