“Yes, Aidan. I think you do.”
Michael hangs up after promising to find someone who actually knows what they’re talking about to call me back. He warns me it won’t be quick though.Mental health services are under funded. Even if someone calls you, I don’t know if they’ll be able to help you beyond some practical advice.
But practical advice is a world away from the pound-shop knowledge I’ve claimed from the internet. I’ll take it.
I abandon the bus stop, and work, and dash home to give the cat enough food and water to last however long this takes. Then I hightail it across town to Ludo’s house and let myself in with the spare key I stole from the drawer this morning.
Bella is in her basket, a bowl of kibble and fresh water beside her. She’s sleeping with her legs in the air, a picture of content, and I tear through the house with my heart in my throat, praying I’ll find Ludo as happy as she is, even if it isn’t real.
But he’s not in the house. I check twice, but he’s not here, and his phone is still where it was when I called it last night.
Fuck. My mind races. I chase thoughts down in an attempt to catch every snippet Ludo has ever told me about his condition. What he’s been through before and the circumstances leading up to it. But all I can see are his scars on his ankles and abdomen and the chilling words he repeated when he pointed to them.“I thought I could fly.”
Panic seizes me for real then, and I’m out the door before I can think. I dart across the road as fast as my aching leg will carry me, and the woods envelop me like a nightmare. Vast and empty, even if he’s here, it could take medaysto find him.
I take the routes we’ve walked together first—the big tree, the lake, the monkey-puzzle grove. The occasional dog walker passes me by, but there’s no sign of Ludo. Fear lances my heart as I climb the hill to the railway bridge, but he’s not there either.
The secret pond we swam in is my last stop before I lose what little of my mind I have left. I squash ferns and rare heather in my hurry to get to the hidden gate. My clumsiness shatters the tranquil peace of the glade, but I barely notice the birds fleeing the trees or the squirrels scampering away. I burst into the clearing, fully expecting to see Ludo standing by the crystal clear water, wearing the same clothes he wore that day, the same innocent expression of awe and wonder.
But Ludo’s not here. Only his shoes are, abandoned at the water’s edge.
A silent scream fills my throat.
Twenty-Six
Ludo
I find Aidan in the middle of the fairy lake. He’s splashing around like a man possessed and I can’t help the laughter that gives away my position behind him.
He jumps a mile and whirls around, his crazy gaze taking a moment to settle on me. “Ludo? Is that you?”
I hop down from the tree. “Of course it’s me.”
He doesn’t say anything. Just stares at me, soaking wet, breathing hard. What he’s doing looks like fun. I start towards him, but he shouts to stop me.
“No! Stay there. I’m coming.”
Well, okay then.I wait at the water’s edge. It takes Aidan longer than I expect for him to reach me, and as he emerges from the water, I realise he’s limping, likereallylimping, as though he can’t put weight on his bad leg. “What happened to you?”
Aidan gets up in my personal space, grasps my chin, and stares down at me so hard it’s as if he’s splitting me open to see inside me. “Are you okay?”
I duck out of his grip. “Why are you asking me that?”
“Because you’ve been out all day, you’ve got no shoes on, and your clothes are all ripped.”
“Your clothes are ripped too. And you’re the one swimming in your jeans.”
“I was looking for you.”
“Why?”
“Because I found your shoes and I was worried.”
He’s not making any sense, and I remember thatI’vebeen worried abouthimall day. It’s why I went for a walk in the first place—to calm myself down. Because everything was too bright and loud and moving way too fast.Yellow yellow yellow yellow.
“You should go home,” I say. “Get the weight off that leg.”
“I’m not going anywhere without you. Come with me... come on. We can go to your place and finish cleaning the kitchen. There’s loads of leftover pizza.”
