And the pub. And the working-men’s club, hanging out with the blokes from the construction sites in the next town over. It’s hard to imagine he was open with any of them about his sexuality.
Aidan trails to a stop and sighs. He fixes two rough fingers under my chin and draws my gaze from the forest floor. “What are you, like, actually trying to ask me? If I’m gay, or if the world knows?”
“The second one.”
He snorts. “Well, Iamgay, and I’ve never hidden it from anyone. As for who knows, I couldn’t tell you, cos I’ve never cared, but I’m lucky that I can kick the fuck out of any knobhead who squares up to me about it; at least, I used to be able to. That goes a long way in a town like this.”
“You’ve never left?”
“Course I have. I ran off to live with Michael’s parents when I was twelve, but they were done with me by the time I was sixteen, and then my dickhead dad got himself terminal liver disease, so I went back to live with him.”
“Thought you didn’t care?”
“I don’t anymore. He’s dead.”
“Did he know?”
“Yes.”
“Was he okay with it?”
“I never asked him.”
I never asked my parents if they were okay with me being queer either, but I didn’t have to. Their faces when my aunt told them I kissed Angelo on the lips over afternoon calzones were enough.
Aidan sighs again and releases my chin. He rubs his palms up and down my bare arms. “Look, if you’re worried I’m going to get embarrassed about being seen with you in public, then you can shut that down now. I’m a private motherfucker, but that’s all. I don’t care who knows whatever they know about me, and I’ll murder anyone who ever gives you shit.”
I believe him. Aidan is gentler with me than I deserve, but the beast in him is fierce. I’d only fight him to protect him.
From who? Himself or from you?
Dammit. I shake my head to clear it. “Sorry. It doesn’t even matter, I just suddenly had to know, and I couldn’t move my feet again until I did.”
Aidan’s only answer is a slow grin as he pulls me forward, coaxing my feet into motion again. He tosses a stick for Bella, and life, as it always seems to do when we’re together, moves on.
Twenty-Two
Aidan
Ludo is hilarious. I don’t know if he means to be, but he is.
“It’s not that cold,” I call from the middle of the tiny, secret lake I’ve brought him to. “Come on.”
He shoots me a withering glare and takes another step into the crystal clear water. The late evening sun hits his back, and the glow around him makes him seem like an angel. My angel, cos the thought of anyone else having him has set my blood alight.
Unbidden—and definitely unwelcome—an image of the pale Scottish boy who worked in the chippie last year flashes into my mind. Red-haired and rakish, he caught my eye immediately, but I was working away that summer, a forest project down south. He was gone by the time I returned for good, and I wasn’t active enough online to keep in touch.
I picture him with Ludo, long pale limbs entwined, kissing, touching... more. It’s hot, I can’t deny it, but I’m jealous too. So fucking jealous. I’m waist-deep in freezing cold water just to calm myself down.
Ludo scrunches his face and wades in up to his knees. He stands a moment, silent and still, then his face breaks into a soft, glorious smile. “Oh. It’s not as cold as it is at the edge. That’s weird.”
“The sun hits the middle all day in high summer, and it’s not that deep, or wide, so it holds the heat.”
“So it’s warmer where you are.”
Ludo seems to speak almost to himself, but I nod anyway and extend my hand. “Come see.”
He ventures closer, and my nerves tingle with every step he takes until he’s close enough for me to reach out and draw him in.
