Ludo mauls his bottom lip with his teeth. “I wish I could explain myself better—it’s just that sometimes what happens in my head is nothing like what comes out of my mouth.”
Hope sparks in my heart. “So you’re not uncomfortable here?”
“No, it’s not about me.”
I don’t understand, but I believe him. “We can still sit outside if you’d rather?”
Ludo shakes his head, gentler this time. “I’m hungry. Can we go to the shop?”
“Uh. Sure.”
We leave my bedsit less than five minutes after he arrived. As we make the five-minute trip to the shop, I’m scared he won’t come back with me. That he’ll make me buy a multipack of Snickers bars, then piss off home.
In the shop Ludo buys sweet potatoes, red peppers, onions, and a small plastic tub of something I don’t recognise. “I can only cook pasta,” he says, apparently amused by my puzzled frown. “Maybe we can learn something new together.”
The fear lifts from my chest, replaced by elation, and I don’t know when my emotions became so extreme.
“Okay.”
“You sure? We can get Super Noodles if you want? I’m sure we can both cook those.”
“Yeah, but they’re like tapeworms glued together, so—”
Ludo laughs again, for real this time, and I swear the sun twitches on its way to bed, like it wants to rise up again and get a better view of whoever made that fucking amazing sound. “Stop,” he says. “Or I’ll never be able to eat them again, and I like the chicken ones. They remind me of when being sick meant a day on the couch with a bottle of Lucozade.”
“I remember those days too, but I didn’t get Super Noodles.” I point at the canned soup shelf. “I got Heinz cream of tomato straight out of the can with a fork to eat it with.”
“That sounds messed up.”
“That was my dad on a good day.”
Ludo doesn’t ask about my mum, and I don’t pre-empt any questions with the fucked up information I’m happy to keep to myself. I grab a couple of packs of instant noodles and turn away. “Come on. Let’s go, um, cook.”
“You sure?”
“Of course I’m sure, mate. Let’s learn something new... together, but take these just in case.”
Fifteen
Ludo
Somehow, we fudge our way through Rita’s magic soup recipe. Aidan has little interest in what goes in the pot, but he can handle a knife and I can’t, and that’s good enough for me.
We leave the vegetables to simmer with a healthy dash of the all-purpose seasoning I’ve stashed in Aidan’s empty cupboards with the depleted bottle of sunflower oil. Maybe we’ll go shopping again if I ever come back here.
“Come on,” Aidan says. “Let’s go outside.”
Following him is easy, and he leads me onto a cute patio that’s loaded with a wrought-iron bench and a bazillion plant pots. Flowers, herbs, there’s even a young apple tree, and it’s such a contrast from his soulless flat that I have to pinch myself to be sure my mind isn’t turning yellow. “Wow. This is beautiful.”
Aidan grunts and manoeuvres himself onto the bench, reminding me that he’s been on his feet for the last two hours. “It’s getting there. I lost some plants to frost when I was in hospital and then when I couldn’t bend down, but most of them recovered.”
“So I wasn’t too far off when I bought you that copy ofGardeners’ World?”
He treats me to a self-conscious chuckle. “I guess not. Don’t ask me if I talk to them, though, cos I don’t want to lie to you.”
“Youdotalk to them.”
“Shut up.”
