I curl my legs and tuck my feet beneath me. “I don’t think he’s looking after himself, because I don’t think he cares. Ithinkhe drinks a lot and doesn’t eat enough, and there’s no one around to help him get better.”
“Well, you know how that feels,” Rita says carefully. “And you’ve always managed to get better. Do you think you’ll see him again?”
“I don’t know. I mean, he didn’t tell me if he lives around here, and I didn’t get his number or anything, so maybe I won’t.”
“How do you feel about that?”
My mind is so completely on Aidan that I’ve forgotten that Rita’s vested interest in the conversation is me. That Aidan’s fate—if it doesn’t affectmymental health—is of no consequence to her. It isn’t her fault; it’s her job, but I resent it anyway. There are already too many people in the world who don’t care about Aidan.
Or are there? I think of his cousin—Michael—and wonder what became of him. If he ever came to visit Aidan again after Aidan sent him away.
“Ludo.”
Oops. I blink and focus on Rita. “Yeah?”
“I want to know how you feel about the possibility that you might not see Aidan again. Is it something that worries you?”
“Yes,” I say without hesitation, because it’s true. “I’m worried that if I don’t see him, no one will, and he’ll never be okay.”
“But why does that matter to you? You hardly know him.”
But for once, Rita is wrong. I do know Aidan. And he does matter.
Still, the possibility that I’ll never see him again is as hard to ignore as it was before he appeared in the woods by my house, and I face up to it because I have to. I leave Rita and take the scenic walk home, avoiding the high street altogether. I’ve never been a believer in fate, but while the logical part of my brain is working, I have to embrace it.
If Aidan and I are meant to cross paths again, we will. I can’t reprogramme my life to force it.
I push him as far from my mind as he’s ever likely to get and concentrate on planning the walk Bella and I will take tonight when the sun fades. When we weren’t discussing Aidan, Rita encouraged me to take Bella swimming more. There’s a man-made lake half a mile from my house, shallow and popular enough that there’s always someone around. I’ll take her there. After all, it’s not as thoughIcan’t swim... right?
As ever, I have little idea where I’m going with my thoughts, but as I reach the quiet street by the council offices, they taper off.
Of course they do, because the moment I’ve given up on searching for Aidan, there he is, coming out of the off-licence with a full bag of bottles and a newspaper tucked under his arm.
Fourteen
Aidan
I sense him before I see him. My gaze seeks him out before I know I’m looking for him, and it’s the weirdest sensation I’ve dealt with for a while.
It’s shocking too, because I’ve spent the last week fighting the urge to knock on his door, to present myself to him as a lost cause and beg him to help me, even though Ifucking knowhe has enough bullshit of his own to deal with.
Not that I think bipolar is bullshit. I’m just rubbish at expressing myself using more than six words. And I don’t want him to help me. I just know that the time I spent in his house that I can actually remember is the safest I’ve felt in years.
You have no right to feel that way.
I know that too.
In the time it’s taken me to come full circle, Ludo has crossed the road. He’s standing in front of me, peering into my bag. “Have you got rum at home to go with all that Coke?”
I roll my eyes. “No, and it’s not even mine. I buy it for the old dude above me. He doesn’t get out much.”
“And the cat food?”
“For the bat-fink that hangs around my garden.”
“So youdothink about people other than yourself?”
“I never said I didn’t.”
