“I’m taking the piss. I know you wouldn’t. Where are you? Still in the city?”
“Yes.” The truth came out before I could think of a lie. “I’m in Primrose Hill, trying to find my way home.”
“Primrose Hill? Again? Is there a snake infestation I haven’t heard about?”
I crossed the road for no other reason than for something to do. “Something like that.”
“Regardless, it’ll take you the same amount of time to get to our place as it would to get home, so you might as well come over for dinner.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. I’ll still have to get home.”
“Yeah, but Cash will drive you. Come on, mate. I know it’s a ball ache, but we haven’t seen you in ages. You could even stay over.”
Every instinct I had was screaming at me to tell Rae no. That despite needing my friend more than ever, traipsing across London to the same house where Isha’s business partner lived was the worst idea in the world.
But somehow I found myself nodding. “Whatever, man. Just text me an address.”
Twenty-One
Isha
The M1 had been the bane of my life for months, but never more so than right now. And I couldn’t even find the fucking thing. I jabbed at the navigation screen on the dashboard. Nothing happened. It had been frozen since I’d left what remained of the burned-out housing complex, leaving me to find my way home with gang signs and prayer.
I cast a vicious glare at my phone, which lay useless and broken on the passenger seat. For the past twenty-four hours I’d been communicating through a borrowed iPad, and it sucked donkey balls.
Thankfully, a mile or two later, a sign for the M1 appeared in the distance. I put my foot down and gunned it along the slip road until a lorry flashed me into the slow lane. A sign for London lit up overhead and my heart sank. There were twenty junctions between me and my kids, and I wanted to fucking scream.
The iPad stuffed in my bag vibrated with a FaceTime call that had to be Dom, and the suffocating weight on my chest pressed down harder. Dom was my best friend and he didn’t even know me. Only Mina did.
And Jude. But I couldn’t think about him right now. He’d made himself clear with his silence, and I had to respect that, even if I missed him so much I felt physically sick. Because it wasn’t about the fact that he knew I was queer, that I got to be queer with him. It was more than that. Jude didn’t just know me, he saw me…my strengths, and weaknesses, the holes in my armour I hadn’t known were there. And he’d stuck around, until my unwillingness to have a couple of awkward conversations had pushed him away.
This is your fault.
Like I didn’t already know.
The miles slipped by. At a service station, I video-called Dom back, but he didn’t answer, which meant he was probably driving too. He’d left Leicester before me to visit another site.
Half an hour later, he sent me an iMessage.
Dom:Can you stop by the house? Need signatures for insurance docs.
Of course he did. The explosion at the Leicester site was currently being blamed on a fault with gas mains, and nothing to do with us, but it was still a shit show. We had five households to rehouse as quickly as possible, and a responsibility to make sure their belongings were replaced. On top of rebuilding the destroyed properties.
Super.
I drove to Chigwell and picked up the kids.
“You look knackered,” Mina said. “Are you sure you want them this weekend? I can keep them if you like? Let you catch up on some—”
“Of course I fucking want them.”
Mina blinked. “What the hell’s the matter with you?”
“Sorry.” I gritted my teeth, and tried to force some of the tension from my shoulders. “Long day.”
“I know. That’s why I’m trying to be nice.”
“It’s appreciated, honestly, but I’d rather just go. I have to swing by Dom’s before I go home.”
