His brutal honesty kicked me in the guts. I averted my gaze, double-checking the lock on the snake tank with undue care. I couldn’t say why his words hurt, but they did. “Fair enough, mate,” I said blandly. “I guess you have to figure out what’s more important to you…getting dick, or being dad of the year.”
Isha sighed. “I’ll never be dad of the year, but my kids are more important than anything I think I need. It took me a long time to realise it, but they are.”
Think I need. I found a smile from somewhere deep within me and plastered it on my face. “That’s settled then. Come by whenever you like. The only times I’m not here are Friday mornings, but Shaqueela can always help if I’m not around.”
“Sounds good. I…er, better be off then.”
“Okay.” I still couldn’t bring myself to look at him. “If I forgot to say it earlier, thanks for taking me on the rescue run. I appreciate it, man.”
Silence.
I wondered if he’d already gone, and turned to check, but he hadn’t moved from the doorway. He was staring at me, another deep frown creasing his gorgeous face. I’d always found him impossible to read, but never more so than now. His feet shifted, and he took a tiny step forwards, as if he wanted to touch me one last time, but he aborted at the last moment and backed off.
“No worries, mate,” he muttered. “See you around.”
I couldn’t describe how I felt as he left. I hovered by the milk snake, watching it slither into its hide, but even when I knew it was as settled as it was going to be anytime soon, I didn’t move. It was as though Isha had glued me in place, only to break his promise to return. A promise I’d never asked of him, that he’d never made.What the fuck is wrong with me today?
Shaqueela came up behind me. Her cool hands on my skin made me jump a fucking mile. “Jesus!”
She gripped my chin and peered at me. “The hot guy you came in with thinks you had a seizure in his car.”
“What?”
“You heard. What happened?”
“I fell asleep.” I twisted out of her grasp. “And then I woke up. I didn’t have a seizure.”
“Sure about that? Remember that time you dozed off in the back room and threw yourself off the chair?”
“How is that like this?” Sometimes I hated Shaqueela’s ability to remember every minute detail about every single thing that ever happened in her life. It was a boon when my own memory let me down, but in moments like this, I felt stripped bare by the possibility that she knew more about an incident she hadn’t been present for than I did. “I didn’t fall over.”
“You’re acting weird, though.” Shaqueela blocked me from leaving the room. “And he said you were jerking around.”
“I don’t remember that.” I spoke slowly as it dawned on me that I didn’t remember anything about the journey back from Milton Keynes. “Maybe I was dreaming.”
“You think?”
I groaned. “Oh God, I don’t know.”
“How do you feel now?”
“Sick? I think?”
“Like you’ve had a seizure?”
Kill me now.I leaned back on the snake tank. This was something I hated too—when I couldn’t be certain if my brain had malfunctioned enough to make an absolute tit of myself. I rarely had sleep seizures, but every time I had, I’d always been in a car, or in someone else’s bed. It was part of the reason I lived like a fucking hermit. I covered my face with my hands. “I think I had a seizure.”
Shaqueela patted my arm. “I think you did too. Come on, let’s get you a cup of tea and something to eat.”
“You’re supposed to be leaving soon.”
“No chance. I’m staying until the end of the day, and don’t argue with me, or I’ll call your mum.”
Fuck that. I loved my mother, but she was a pain in my arse. Most days, Cardigan Bay wasn’t far enough away from me for her to be.
Shaqueela towed me to the utility room and stuck the kettle on while I sat on the floor and made a futile attempt to piece myself back together. My phone buzzed in my pocket. I fished it out and cleared the email notification, but the blank screen it left caught my attention.
Blinking, I opened WhatsApp and tapped out a message.
