Your voice.“Anything you have to say. And talking is making me want to puke, so just piss off, okay?”
Silence. Rae flinched as if I’d slapped him. His eyes, already bloodshot and hooded, filled with tears, and I waited for him to walk out.
He didn’t. The bastard stepped closer, hands raised, and every part of me screamed out to deck him.
But that didn’t happen either. I couldn’t stand, let alone rumble with a fucker as sharp as Rae, and even turning away from him left me dizzy. A vicious cough rattled up on me from nowhere, hacking through my chest. My arms gave way and I collapsed onto the bed.
Warm hands tried to help me up. I struggled, but he was stronger than me. And I fucking hated him.
No, you don’t.
But I did. I hated the whole world.
“Cash.”
“Fuck off, Rae.”
“Not until you tell me why.”
“Why what?”
“Why you’re so pissed off with me. I know things are weird between us, but I thought we were getting somewhere before—” His voice caught, his grip on my shoulders tightening to the point that he was actually hurting me.
I shrugged him off. “Before what? Before I pretty much begged you to come home with me, or before your cosy meeting with my ex in the woods?”
Rae’s eyes bugged out. “What?”
“You heard me. And don’t even try playing innocent, okay? Even if you didn’t know who he was—I’m guessing he wasn’t wearing a fucking sandwich board—he’s still a rat. And so are you, eh? Nice—”
Another brutal round of coughing derailed me, but I didn’t care. I was so done with this conversation. The whole thing was surreal and cliché at the same time. I wanted to forget it. Forgethim, and Rae. Reclaim my equilibrium and get the fuck out of there.
Rae laughed. “How the hell do you know about that?”
I wanted to kill him. Still hacking, I pushed my fist into my chest, as though I could shove the scraping pain in my lungs back where it had come from. “Saw you, didn’t I? Twat that I am, I was worried about you walking back alone from the farm. Ironic as fuck, when you think about it.” My words came out flat and cold. Though it had only been…however long it had been, it seemed as though I’d waited so long to say them the fire fuelling my anger had burned out.
“Cash—”
“No.” I shifted awkwardly onto my back and covered my face with my hands. “I don’t care anymore. Whatever bullshit they’ve planted in your head doesn’t mean anything to me. Just leave me alone.”
“You don’t understand.”
“I don’t want to.”
Rae tugged on my hands. “For real? You think what you saw means I’m one of them? That I didn’t wonder if the bastard who stepped into my path was the same wanker who’d fucked you over. Jesus, man.” He forced me to meet his eyes, ripping my hands away and gripping my chin. “After everything we’ve been through,that’swhat you think of me?”
My breath was coming in sharp, painful gasps. The headache I’d woken with kicked up a gear, and my gut lurched.Fuck.Impossibly, I found the strength to shove Rae aside. A nurse had left an emesis basin on my bed. I fumbled for it and somehow managed to manoeuvre it in time to lose the contents of my stomach. Distantly, someone groaned. It sounded like a dying animal, and one of the blurred pictures dancing around my brain solidified.
The Horses.
The dogs.
Shit.
Rae reappeared beside me. He swiped the emesis basin before I could stop him and dumped it into a nearby clinical waste bin. He came back with a warm, wet cloth, and wiped my face and hands. There was another click in my brain, and puking my guts up seemed as if it had happened to someone else. Nearly. The churning in my belly prevented me from believing in the dream entirely.
I closed my eyes again. Goddamn, I just wanted to sleep.
Rae rubbed my back. “Please listen to me. I know it’s fucked up, but I’d never lie to you, or go behind you back, and more than that, I’d never jeopardise my crew. You’ve seen the worst of people, baby, but it’snot me, I swear.”
