“Sorry,” I muttered, and slid my hands down to his waist instead, and under his clothes.
His smooth skin grounded me a little, but still my mind whirred, until he turned to face me, his expression profoundly tired. “I’m sorry too, if it’s any consolation. I wish I’d explained myself from the start, but…I didn’t trust you, Rae. I couldn’t see it until now, but I saw him every time you looked at me and asked me to do the things I used to do. It scared me.”
It still does.
I knew it like I knew water was wet, and despite a bone-deep commitment to sab life, I couldn’t stand it. I wrapped my arms around Cash and pulled him close. A long hug turned into me coaxing him to lean against me. Eventually, his head found its way to my lap and he fell asleep while I rubbed his neck and gazed in wonder at Netflix on his big TV. I kept the volume barely audible and dozed in front ofSense8. The night faded to dawn, and there was frost on the ground when Lucky roused me the next morning.
Cash was still asleep. Lucky glanced down at him and set a mug of tea beside me. “I’m glad you’re here.”
And then he was gone. The front door opened and closed, and we were alone again…presumably, at least. I had no idea where Dom was.
I switched the TV to a news channel and made a half-hearted effort to catch up on current affairs, but my mind was elsewhere. Cash’s story had horrified me, and the hurt in his beautiful eyes would haunt me forever, but the flicker of trust he’d gifted me had solidified something I’d known from the very first night we’d spent together: I cared deeply about this man, and I couldn’t handle him being in pain. What that meant going forward, I had no idea, but it meantsomething.
It had to.
Cash woke with a jump around eight. His eyes widened as awareness hit him, then a flutter of conflicting emotions seemed to pass through him. And for once, I was fairly certain I could read him: he was pleased to see me, but the trip down memory lane he’d embarked upon last night still hurt like a bitch.
I pulled him close and kissed him before he could speak, no heat, just comfort and friendship.I’m here.
Cash melted against me, briefly and wonderfully liquid, then he pulled back with a sheepish shrug. “Sorry I passed out on you.”
“Don’t be.” I stretched my arms above my head. “It was definitely your turn.”
“Truth. What time is it?”
“Eight-ish. Lucky’s gone. I don’t know where Dom is.”
Cash cast me a questioning glance. “Why are you telling me where my housemates are? Do you think they’re the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning?”
“Whatdoyou think of when you wake up in the morning?”
Cash smirked a little. “Recently, that would have to be you.”
Warmth flushed my cheeks. “Sorry about that. There must be nicer ways to start your day.”
“Like thinking about Dom and Lucky fucking downstairs? You’re a funny dude.”
“I’ll take your word for that,” I replied, though I could think of worse things to imagine than Lucky and Dom fucking. There was something enchanting about the pair of them.
Cash nudged me. “I’m not taking the piss, mate. I think about you all the time. I’m in a weird place right now, but I’m glad I met you…even when I wish I hadn’t.”
There was a compliment in there somewhere, I was sure of it, but Cash was still sleepy enough to deserve a pass on interrogation. I let it go and rolled off the couch, tugging him upright once I was on my feet. “I have to be somewhere in a little while, but I could go for some breakfast somewhere if you have time?”
“I’m off today,” Cash said. “But I don’t feel like going out. I can cook?”
“Nah.” I shook my head. “I can.”
Cash’s kitchen was nothing like a campfire, but his big ring burners were similar enough to my tiny gas stove that I could bodge scrambled eggs.
He laughed at me. “Have you forgotten how to live in a house?”
“Must’ve done.”
“How often do you visit your parents?”
I poked at the eggs with a wooden spoon. “Often enough so they don’t come looking for me.”
“Are you close?”
