Cash chuckled; humour lighting his face as though I’d imagined the shadows. “Maybe. I’m not sure what I pointed at.”
I loved how he switched from almost painful attention to detail to being so laid back he was practically horizontal. How he cared about things that mattered, and was gloriously lackadaisical about those that didn’t. Suddenly famished, I dug through the bag and found a jumbo pot of my favourite curry, a coconut naan, and a bhaji the size of a cricket ball. “How did you know?”
Cash laughed again.
I threw a chip at him. “Come eat with me.”
Cash grabbed a wooden board from beneath my bed and placed it on the covers. We set the food out and got stuck in like we were old friends who stuffed our faces together all the time. As the spicy curry heated my blood, camaraderie warmed my soul. Were we friends? I wasn’t sure yet, but if this was all we had, I could live with it.
We polished off the food in ten minutes flat. Cash stuffed the last chip into my mouth, then cleared everything away while I lay bloated on my warm, dry bed. Part of me pondered if I was dreaming, if I’d wake up tomorrow back in my shitty Millets tent, but most of all I wondered what would happen if I asked Cash to spend the night with me.
He came back to the van. I sat up and stared at him, absorbed his open gaze and easy smile, and took a breath—
The rumble of an approaching vehicle cut me off. The crew were back. For better or worse, the hunt was over, and Cash was already walking away.
Chapter Eleven
Cash
Match of the Daywas a riot in my house. Though football made Lucky nervous, he had a brain for figures and could tell you the league standings before the last whistles had blown, while I just watched it to ogle hot men in shorts, and Dom…fuck, it was complicated. He wanted to watch, but it was like he wouldn’t let himself. That he was scared of being dragged back in. Every Saturday was the same—Lucky frowning as he did calculations in his head, me half asleep on the couch, and Dom hiding behind his phone or his laptop, gaze flickering towards the screen when he thought no one was looking.
It was fucking horrible, but I was starting to understand. It had been a week since I’d spent hunt day with Rae, but I couldn’t get it—or him—out of my mind. I’d sworn to myself that making him comfortable, and safe, would be enough. That donating everything I could to his crew would quell the fire burning in me. But it wasn’t. Not even close. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, and I couldn’t stop staring at Dom’s jittery hands.
He noticed after a while, but didn’t say anything until Lucky had slipped out to smoke. “Something wrong?”
“What makes you say that?”
“You’re staring at me like a maniac, and I’m fairly sure it’s not my pretty face that’s got you so captivated. Come on…what’s up? And don’t say nothing.”
I sighed. “Didn’t Lucky already tell you?”
“No. Why would he tell me your business if it isn’t mine?”
God, I loved these two. They thought I’d saved them by giving Lucky a home, but they’d saved me by teaching me how to be human again. “I wish he had told you.”
“So you wouldn’t have to go over it again?”
“Yeah.”
“So don’t. Just tell what’s on your mind now…if you think it’ll help. We can go outside and beat the shit out of the punchbag instead, if you want.”
Dom liked hitting things when he got pissed off. Me? I was more of a wallower. Misery wasn’t real until I’d stewed in it for weeks at a time. And it had been weeks. Ditching Rae as his crew had come home had merely tipped me over the edge. I didn’t even know if they’d been successful or not. I glanced at the TV, and then back at Dom. “Do you miss it?”
Dom’s eyes narrowed a touch, but I knew him enough to know that wasn’t about me. “In what sense?”
“The people, I guess. I know you weren’t into the lifestyle.”
Dom snorted. “I said I wasn’t, but I still drive the wanky car and keep the knobhead apartment up town, so I can’t bethatfucking humble.”
“What about the people, then? You must’ve had friends.”
“Not really.” Dom changed the channel, as though seeing his old life splashed across the screen, as well as in his own head, was too much. “There were people I liked, and who liked me, but no one knew me. Until I met Lucky, I was a stranger to even myself.”
“You didn’t love the game?”
“Of course I did, on some level, but it was all I knew, and there was so much of me it didn’t touch. Besides, it’s just a fucking game, Cash. No one dies if the ball doesn’t get kicked around a pitch. It’s obscene, when you think about it.”
I could think of worse things people did in the name of sport. My stomach clenched, and Dom faded out. I’d managed to resist checking Rae’s blog for an update on last weekend’s hunt, but barely, and only because I no longer had the heart to hear bad news. To see in black and white the consequences of a shit day. My pulse quickened even at the thought of it. Feeling Dom’s gaze on me, I swallowed thickly and searched for somewhere to hide my trembling hands, but it was too much. Lucky came back inside. He slid into Dom’s lap, and I took my moment to slip away.
