“Go home,” she said firmly. “He’s on the mend. There’s nothing more you can do, and he’ll be cross if he sees you in this state.”
I scrubbed my face. “I’m fine.”
“Aye. You’ll be better after a week of sleep, though. Gohome, luv. I’m his mum... I’m not going to let anything happen to him.”
I’d have taken a lot more persuading if the sight of Joe’s bed disappearing into a lift hadn’t reminded me that I couldn’t follow him up to the ward. I rummaged through my tired mind for what he’d ask of me if he was able and turned back to Sal. “Do you need anything? Have you got money? Charge on your phone? What about food?”
“Dear God.” Sal shook her head. “You’re just like him in your own way, aren’t you? Stop worrying about everyone else, Harry. I’m fine. And if I’m not, I’ll call, okay?”
It was all I could ask. I made sure she really did have money and tapped my number into her phone, and then I left. Walking away from Joe washard, but when I got outside, perspective returned to me. If Joe needed anyone, it was his mum—his family. Who was I?
The dickhead who’d parked Joe’s van in a loading bay, apparently.
I peeled the parking ticket from the windscreen and climbed behind the wheel. My sense of direction let me down, and the half hour drive to Newquay took nearly an hour. By the time I reached the farm, I was ready to drop. A compulsion to check around the farm warred with a desperate need to get my head down.
The what-would-Joe-do instinct won out, and I went straight to the top field. Shadow was in the far corner, stripping the bark from a young tree. He looked the same as he always did—feral and untamed—and didn’t seem to notice me as my gaze was drawn to the patch of mud where I’d found Joe. I breathed deeply, trying to push images of him so badly injured from my mind, to draw on Sal’s parting words instead:“He’s on the mend...”But with the same mud still splattered up my legs, it was tougher than I could bear.
I turned away and left Shadow to his botanical afternoon snack. The rest of the farm seemed business as usual—aside from Joe’s absence—and I was on my way to find somewhere to sleep when I stumbled into Jonah.
He smiled, apparently far more with it than I was. “You’re back then.”
“Yup.”
“The boy okay?”
“Getting there. Sal’s with him.”
Jonah nodded. “Good lad. He coming home soon?”
“I don’t know.”
“Aye, well... you let me know. Can’t imagine he’d be too pleased to find me kipping on the doorstep.”
“So why did you come?”
The question fell out with little consideration for why I thought it was my business. But Jonah merely gifted me another watery smile. “There isn’t much use left in me, but what I’ve got belongs to this farm.”
A profound sadness washed over me as I stared at Jonah. From what little I knew of him, his fuck-ups were epic, but his love and loyalty, however faded by the burden he’d become, was clear to see.
The contrast with my own father almost broke me. I pushed past Jonah and went into the house. My body was reacting to the clusterfuck of emotions coursing through me like it always did—with adrenaline... a misplaced energy that had, in the past, led me to pounding the gym until I blacked out. But I was over that now, right? Besides, even the disquiet having a party in my empty stomach couldn’t overcome the bone-deep fatigue from three days without real sleep.
I took a much-needed shower, and then admitted defeat, and passed out on Joe’s couch.
I slept for hours and hours until George woke me sometime later.
“Dinner’s up,” he said.
“Huh? I sat up, rubbing my face, but George was already gone.
I found a sweatshirt and trailed him to the kitchen, expecting to find the usual suspects crowded around the table, waiting on Sal to dish up. But George kept going, and when I followed him out into the yard, I saw why.
Someone had lit a BBQ in a metal pit. A huge pot was above the glowing embers, and Jonah was stirring the contents. He caught my eye but said nothing.
Lacey grabbed my arm. “Sit with us, Harry. We haven’t seen you for ages. Have you been with Joe?”
“Um, for a little while till Sal got back.”
Lacey nodded, her eyes bright with the kind of excitement that came from dinner in the dark when you were that young, and her innocence soothed me. Her and Jemima hadn’t been on the farm when Joe had been hurt, and I was glad of it. They idolised Joe as much as Toby did, and his tears had been enough.
