“I can’t argue with that. Just keep the office informed, okay? We can’t help you if we don’t know what’s goingon.”
“Story of my life,” Angelomuttered.
Dylan grinned. “And mine. Oh, and if you ever meet my boss, Helen, don’t tell her that we’ve been fucking. It’s kind ofinappropriate.”
“Fucking. Hmm.” Angelo squeezed Dylan’s hand again. “Is that what we’redoing?”
Of course it wasn’t. Dylan had been in love with Angelo pretty much from the start, but so much had happened?—and not happened?—since then that it was hard to see the light. “I don’t know what we’re doing, but I do know that I was wrong to hassle you for commitment when you had so much shit goingon.”
“That’s not fair,” Angelo protested. “You didn’t ask me for commitment?—just some friendly communication, andImessed that up, notyou.”
“Not deliberately, though. I thought I’d got my head around what ME means for you, but I was wrong, wasn’t I? I had no idea how badly it was affecting you?—um?—mentally, if that’s not a totally offensive way to putit.”
“It’s not. I wish I could’ve explained it better so you knew it wasn’t that I didn’t care, but please don’t feel bad. None of this is your fault,Dylan.”
Dylan traced a careful finger over Angelo’s knuckles. “I never gave you a chance to explain, and for someone who gets paid to listen, that’s pretty unforgivable. And it’s something I’ve been guilty of before?—letting my imagination have a fucking rave. Maybe I’ve got mummyissues.”
He tried for a laugh, but it came out too bitter to see Angelo smile in return. Angelo stilled Dylan’s fingers. “You’ve never told me about your mum. Was she abitch?”
“No idea. She ditched me and my dad when I wastwo.”
“You don’t rememberher?”
“Nope.”
“I don’t believe you,” Angelo said softly. “But that’s okay. We don’t have to know everything?—understand everything?—to move forward. Sometimes, we have to let thingsbe.”
“We’ve said that before and look where weare.”
“We’re here,” Angelo said. “Both ofus.”
Green shoots of hope flared in Dylan’s belly. Every part of him screamed to lean forward and kiss Angelo’s chapped lips, but Angelo’s increasingly heavy eyes stayed him. Despite a desperate need to be as close to Angelo as possible, it was probably time heleft.
Perhaps sensing the war going on in Dylan’s convoluted brain, Angelo brought Dylan’s hand to his lips and kissed his fingers. “Don’tgo.”
“I’ll have toeventually.”
“I know, but not yet... please? Stay a bitlonger?”
Dylan couldn’t refuse. Didn’t want to. He disentangled his hand from Angelo’s and cupped Angelo’s face, stroking his darkly stubbled cheek with the pad of his thumb. “You do something tome.”
“Do I make your heart feel like it’s stuck on a spinningtop?”
“Yeah, actually. Youdo.”
“Good.” Angelo’s eyes closed. “Because that’s how you make me feeltoo.”
Dylan felt suddenly lighter, like he always did in Angelo’s rare moments of sentiment. “You know I’m not talking about the club, don’t you? I mean, the things we’ve shared there have been amazing, but that’s not why I’m sittinghere.”
Angelo opened his eyes with a barely audible sigh. “I know you didn’t come here to fuck me, Dylan. And I know that’s not what you got so upset about. I do kinda get the feeling that playing in the club is... Shit, I’ve lost my words. Uh, cathartic, maybe? You always seem calmerafter.”
“I’m not calmbefore?”
“I don’t know. But I need to learn if we’re going to get better atthis.”
He’s so fucking right. Dylan sucked in a deep breath, Angelo’s warm skin against his palm tying him down to the world. “I’m a pretty anxious person?—in case you haven’t noticed by now.” He choked out another harsh chuckle. “I don’t mean to be, but my brain works a million miles an hour, and sometimes I can’t catch it before it’s fallen off a cliff, youknow?”
“I remember that feeling,” Angelo said softly. “It’s been a while, but I remember it. And I was a selfish prick when I was well?—probably still am. I can’t imagine how it must be to be like that when you care more about other people thanyourself.”
