I wasn’t convinced. Perhaps I’d been spoiled by his—up until now—terminally easy disposition. Still, there wasn’t much I could do if he wasn’t prepared to tell me. Maybe a distraction would help. “Do you want to see my dad’s veg field? The lettuces are done, but the raspberries and pumpkins are looking good. There’s tomatoes in the poly-tunnels too.”
The genuine enthusiasm that brightened Kim’s face was so endearing it hurt, and I couldn’t resist taking his hand as we left the barn and walked through the yard towards the fields.
He didn’t object, and the way he laced his fingers with mine took me back to our cliff-top evening a few days ago, reminding me that Ihadseen him somewhat off-colour before. He’d vaguely blamed drink-demons then. Was that the problem now? It felt a little rude to ask.
So I didn’t. I took him to my dad’s fruit and veg fields and tried not to jump him while he examined each and every plant and asked me a million questions about soil and seasonal watering. Questions I had no idea how to answer.
Which was, apparently, enough to cheer him up. “How can you live here and not have a clue how anything works?”
“I don’t live here.”
“Yeah, but you were raised here . . . kinda. How can you be so detached?”
Detached. Huh. The playful accusation stung, though I couldn’t say why. “I know where the kitchen is, if you fancy a cuppa. That do you?”
The humour in Kim’s beautiful face faded. “Actually, I should be getting back. I’ve left the lads sanding the tabletops so I can paint them tonight.”
“Sure? There’s plum cake?”
Kim growled low in his throat. “You’re a fucker, you know that?”
“What?”
Kim shook his head. “Never mind.”
“Fuck, no. Don’t pull that shit on me. If I’ve pissed you off, tell me. I can’t fix it otherwise.”
“Do you want to fix it?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Kim stood from where he’d been studying the soil around my dad’s biggest pumpkin. “What are we doing, Jas? Every time I think I know, five minutes with you confuses the fuck out of me.”
“I thought we were friends?”
“Friends that fuck, but we don’t do a whole lot of that either.”
“You’re pissed off because we don’t fuck enough?”
If Kim was confused, I was nothing short of bewildered. Our friendship was complicated, but it had seemed like we’d made progress in recent days.
Kim sighed. “I . . . Fuck, I don’t know. I think I’m just tired. I don’t sleep much when I’m on my own.”
“Red not with you?”
“Nah, she doesn’t stay with me. I thought you knew that?”
Neither one of them had given me the impression that Red lived with Kim, but subconsciously, I’d kind of assumed that Kim was never alone.Dickhead. Alone the other night, wasn’t he?
And, twat that I was, I couldn’t seem to help sticking my foot in it further. “My brother told me that you and Red are still together.”
“Your brother? Which one?”
“Nicky.”
“I’ve never met the bloke. What the fuck does he know about my life?”
“Nothing, I’d imagine. Just putting it out there that it’s not only me who’s sending mixed messages.”
