Pete yawned. I lifted Cosmo from his lap and pointed at the open front door. “Come on,fucker.Bed.”
* * *
It wasa few days before I saw Jed again. Despite Danni’s plans, neither Jed nor Glenn had been anywhere to be found at dinnertime, so she’d packed up the leftovers and left them byGlenn’sdoor.
Jed brought the containers back one evening when Pete was out with Liam. I waved him in and noted that Desta was off-leash and minus his harness. “Desta not workingtoday?”
“Nah. Figured I could make it up a flight of stairsunsupervised.”
“Is that what you needhimfor?”
“Somedays.”
I took the vague answer as my cue to mind my own business and opened the refrigerator. “Do you want a drink? Pete has some beer in heresomewhere.”
“That’s okay. I don’tdrink.”
“Me neither.” I let the fridge swing shut and turned to find Jed leaning on the kitchen counter. Something had changed. I looked around for Desta. He was at Jed’s feet, his paw raised, and his previously playful gaze sharp and alert. “Youokay?”
Jed nodded. “Yeah. Don’t mind me. I’ve got some funky blood-sugar levels. They drop sometimes when I’m leastexpectingit.”
I nudged a kitchen stool closer to Jed, though I sensed a streak of Pete in him and figured he’d probably stay stubbornly on his feet. “Do you need somethingtoeat?”
“I’ll be all right in a minute. I’ve got some energy barsdownstairs.”
I fixed Jed a glass of water. He took a sip and maneuvered himself carefully onto the stool. Rather than question my character judgment, I held out my hand. “Give me your keys. I’llfetchthem.”
It took a little persuading, or rather, waiting in silence, but eventually Jed handed over Glenn’s keys and directed me to a plastic box stashed on top of an unfinished kitchen cabinet. Once I’d gotten it, I took it upstairs. Jed eyed it like it was the worst thing he’d ever seen, and his handsshook.
“Could you open itforme?”
“Sure.” I pried the lid off the box—and dropped it like a fucking bomb. The Vicodin bottle bounced across the counter and clattered to the floor. “Shit.Sorry.”
I bent to retrieve it, and suddenly it was me that was shaking. I hadn’t laid eyes on narcotics in years and I’d been clean for half a decade, and though the cravings were long gone—most days—the fear remained as strong as ever. The fear that addiction… weakness or a moment of sheer fucking madness would derail every healthy moment I’d ever had. The fear that I’d become so happy that I’d forget the monotonous destruction of that damned blissful oblivion. I thought of the dull ache in my chest for Maggie. Of the razor-sharp pain I’d felt when Pete had drifted home to tell me she’d died in his arms. How nice it would be to forget, just for a littlewhile.
Desta made a snuffling sound. I blinked and came upright, setting the bottle on the counter next to an empty sachet of some kind of organic energy gel. Jed watched me like he saw it all… the heroin, the benzos, the scars and burns on my arms andmyback.
He took the bottle and put it back in the box. “What was yourpoison?”
“Huh?”
“You’re shaking like a dude who’d forgotten he was jonesing forsomething.”
“Jonesing? I haven’t heard that word for awhile.”
Jed said nothing. He folded the empty gel pack into a neat square and tucked it into his pocket, like he wanted to look at it even less than I wanted to stare at his damned fucking Vicodin. His silence did something to me, though, and I felt compelled to fill it. “I never had a particular poison. I used anything thatworked.”
“Anddidit?”
“What?”
“Work.”
A wry grin crept over my face. “It had its moments. Still does if I’m notcareful.”
“How long hasitbeen?”
I got Jed some more water. “Depends. No street drugs for ten years, pharmaceuticals for five, and booze for…” I thought back. “Two years now, but I’d probably have a beer if I wanted one. I just feel better if Idon’t.”
