“Whoa,” he said. “I was on my way tofindyou.”
“Why? What’swrong?”
Joe beamed. “Nothing in my world, dude. I haveason.”
I had nothing. I just stared at him, and in spite of his giddy excitement, Joe read me like an open book with giant print. He seized my shoulders, backing me up against the wall. “Danni’s fine. The baby’s fine. What the fuck’sgoingon?”
“Ash needs surgery, but he won’t consent unless they do it withoutnarcotics.”
“Can theydothat?”
“Maybe, but he won’t consent to the alternative drugeither.”
“Whynot?”
I shrugged. “I havenoidea.”
“Because you lost your shit withoutasking,huh?”
I couldn’t deny it. And it wasn’t lost on me how lucky Ash and I were to have people in our lives that didn’t need chapter and verse to understand us. How different life was to when Ash and I had first met. To when I’d brought Ash to the ER to get a self-inflicted burn treated with no idea how impossible it had been for him. “I need to gobackin.”
“Uh-huh. And you need to tell him that there’s nothing to be scared of. That other drug is controlled, right? He’ll never have it inhishand?”
“No, he’ll get a few days of it in the hospital, then they’ll send him home withAdvil.”
“Right then. He’s strong enough to do that. Just go in there and tellhimso.”
Strong. Yeah. That was Ash. I took a deep breath and braved his room again, Joe’s speech playing on a loop in my chaoticbrain. “Ash—”
Ash shook his head and held out his hands. “Don’t, Pete. It’s all right. I’m gonna do it. I’ll even take the narcotics if I need them, but you have to promise me you won’t let me screw it up. I can’t do it onmyown.”
Hecoulddo it on his own. All these years, it hadn’t been me that had stopped him chasing the fucking dragon, but I gripped his hands and pressed my forehead hard against his. “I promise, Ash. Everything’s gonnabeokay.”
* * *
The next hourpassed too fast and too slow, all at the same time. Ash was in increasing pain and he developed a ferocious fever, but despite my medical knowledge telling me that the inevitable surgery needed to happen as soon as possible, I wasn’t ready to lethimgo.
We said goodbye in the corridor. Glenn was going with him into the OR, but hospital protocol banning staff from observing surgeries on their relatives meant I had to staybehind.
“I’ll be fine,” Ash slurred, already woozy from the pre-surgery sedative the remarkably understanding surgery team had let me administer myself. “Don’t flip your shit, okay? It makes youlookold.”
The fact that he was kidding—hopefully—should’ve reassured me, but it didn’t. And there was no time for me to do anything but kiss his cheek and whisper in his ear. “I know you’ll be fine. I love you,fucker.”
He was gone before his tongue caught up with whatever response he may have made, leaving me alone in the empty corridor. It was several minutes before a nurse I vaguely knew sent me to the kind of waiting room I’d been directing terrified relatives to my whole adult life. Except, I wasn’t terrified. As I sat on a creaky plastic chair, I realized I didn’t feel anythingatall.
The numbness was disconcerting. I stood and drifted to the window. With Joe and Danni caught up with the baby and Glenn with Ash, I was on my own. I had buddies I could’ve leaned on—Mick, Ted, Ellie, and Charlie, and friends from work. But as I took my phone from my pocket and thumbed the screen, I knew I wouldn’t contact any of them. Instead I scrolled to my recently added contacts andhitCall.
Max answered on the thirdring. “Pete?”
“It’s me. Missusyet?”
“Actually, yes. I’ve cooked enough pasta for the entire world, and Jed’s pissed at me because he can’t get in the refrigerator without it falling inhisface.”
“I can’t imagine him ever being pissedatyou.”
Max laughed. “You’d be surprised. Try living with me for a whole weeknexttime.”
I’d grown up in Maggie’s warm brand of love and chaos, and so I could quite easily imagine living with Max. Or, at least, close to him. The dude made me smile, even now with my subconscious half-paralyzed.
