Brix nodded slowly, looking like he had so much more to say, but he said nothing, and silence reigned as Calum retrieved his clothes from the floor and pulled them on.
Dressed, he lingered a moment, hoping for something—anything—from Brix to let him know that the limbo of the last few hours had been real, but there was only silence until he admitted defeat and left Brix alone.
He was in the shower when he heard the front door slam and the van rumble to life a few minutes later. Both sounds seemed so final that Calum’s blood ran cold, despite the steaming spray battering him, washing all traces of Brix from his skin. He laid his head on the tiles, searching for some perspective in the chaos of the last twenty-four hours.
None was forthcoming. Rob’s phone call had driven him to the foot of Brix’s cliff, but the moment his voice had turned Calum’s lunch into roiling acid seemed so far away now, as though Calum had become someone else since then. Someone who got their dick out for their best mate? Nice. But Calum felt no shame. He could find no sense in the time he’d spent with Brix tonight, but he’d meant every kiss, every touch, and his heart told him Brix had too.
It didn’t tell him what to do next, though. Calum had believed Brix when he’d said he wanted Calum—still believed him—but the defeat in Brix when he’d said they could never fuck had cut Calum to the bone.
Damn it. Calum banged his head on the tiles a final time before he shut off the shower and got out, padding naked across the landing. His phone rang as he was drying off. Lee. Calum grabbed it and swiped the screen. “What time do you call this?”
“Half seven. Why? Forgotten how clocks work?”
“Half seven?” Calum ignored Lee’s trademark sass and briefly pulled his phone from his ear to check the time. “Jesus. It bloody is as well. Thought it was still the middle of the night.”
“Looks like it too with those storm clouds lurking.”
Calum glanced out of his bedroom window to see he had indeed missed dawn breaking, but there wasn’t much light to speak of yet. “What are you doing up anyway? Are you okay?”
Lee laughed gently. “That’s you all over, Calum. You’ve been up all night with Brix while the boat was out, and you’re asking me if I’m okay? Dude, I slept like a short-arse, blue-haired baby.”
“So did I, to be honest.” Calum dropped his towel and snagged a T-shirt from the pile on the dresser. “Brix didn’t get a wink, though.”
“I’m not going to ask how you know that.”
Mischief laced Lee’s tone. Calum ignored it in favour of yanking some jeans up his legs. “Perhaps he told me, eh? Ever thought about that?”
“Nope. Sue me. How is he, anyway? Kim was a bit frazzled when I saw him.”
“When did you see Kim?”
“When I was getting out of my taxi.”
“Your taxi?”
Lee sighed. “Yeah, numbnuts, my taxi. I stayed at my sister’s last night, so I had to scarper before her kids woke up.”
“Why?”
“Why do you think? So they don’t start asking where Uncle Liam went.”
Calum sank onto his bed. “Your sister makes you leave before her kids wake up so they won’t find out you transitioned?”
“Actually, no. My sister’s a stuck-up bitch, but she’s not that bad. It’s me who can’t handle it. My therapist reckons I’m scared they’ll be disappointed by the new me.”
“Are you?”
“Maybe. Can’t be arsed to figure it out just yet, though, and anyway, I didn’t call you to talk about my shit, so stop asking me Jeremy Kyle questions.”
Calum chuckled. “Okay, okay . . . Brix’s dad is fine, if that’s what you wanted to know. Brix has gone to round him up from a pub in Port Isaac.”
“Sounds about right. You sure you’re okay? I can come over if you want? Keep you company till Brix gets back?”
Calum frowned. “Why are you being nice?”
“I’m allowed.”
“Not if there’s some weird subtext you’re not telling me about.”
