What was wrong with him? Should he just toss himself over the side of his terrace? He likely wouldn’t even die. He had no idea what to do about her. She left him feeling completely out of control of his own thoughts and desires.
Is this what being fond of a woman did to a man? He didn’t like it. He would put an end to it and as soon as she was well he’d send her on her way. Look what she was doing to him. He didn’t mind spending time with her. It wasn’t fair to her. Even if he didn’t dream of returning to battle, did he truly want to ignore his father’s wishes? Hell, why was he even letting his thoughts wander down that road with her? He had no intentions on becoming a husband–anyone’s husband.
His head snapped to attention when there came a rapping on the outside door. He went to it and opened it quickly. Stephen stood on the side with Edith. Both of them were pale and their eyes were wide with concern.
“Forgive me, Your Grace,” his steward said, “Edith found me and informed me that Miss Ramsey is having trouble in her sleep.”
Ben hurried off without changing his night clothes. Her rooms weren’t far from his and he reached them quickly. He heard her cries before he saw her.
“No! No! I…I can’t!”
He rushed through the sitting room and reached her beside. “Miss Ramsey?” He kept his voice non threatening and steady. Judging by the way she was shaking and perspiring, she needed to wake up in calm, not fear. “It’s Ben. You’re safe. You’re safe.”
He sat beside her on the bed and instinctively reached for her. When she felt him near, she clung to him.
Without thinking–what was there to think about–he closed his arms around her. “Don’t be afraid,” he whispered into her hair as she trembled. Her soft whimper against his neck made his blood go warm. He held her closer. She didn’t say his name but she woke up fully and began to cry.
He sat with her wrapped in an embrace he’d never offered to anyone before. Ignoring Edith’s and Stephen’s shocked expressions when they saw him, he dismissed them for the night. Whatever Miss Ramsey needed, he would provide.
They sat in the dim firelight of the hearth. He wouldn’t push her away or force her to talk about her dreams. He was patient and quiet, an immovable rock, there to protect her, despite the alarms going off in his head to run. She wasn’t for him. He didn’t care. He’d seriously consider what was wrong with him tomorrow, when he had a clearer head. Tonight, with her in his arms, his head was somewhere lost in the clouds.
“I’ve been nothing but trouble since I got here.” He heard her soft voice rising to his ears.
“That’s true,” he agreed, “though I don’t know why you always bring it up. Are you testing me to find out how much trouble I’ll take from you before I ask you to leave?”
“Maybe,” she snapped back, breaking contact with him.
“What if I won’t ask you to leave no matter how much trouble you cause?” he asked, still close enough to hear her breath.
“Why would you do that?”
“Because no one ever has before.”
He didn’t mean to bring tears to her eyes. He reached for her again. This time, he was afraid she would pull away, reject him. What if she did? He’d never been rejected by a woman before.He’d never been with any of them. She didn’t move away but closed her eyes when his fingertips brushed over her teary cheeks.
“How do you know me so well already?” she sniffled.
“Parts of you are not difficult to understand,” he told her, “It just takes an ear.”
“A compassionate ear,” she corrected.
He narrowed his eyes on her and warned playfully. “Shh, don’t let word of my kind heart get around.”
He caught her smile before she rested her head against his chest.
He closed his arms around her again and spoke softly into her hair. “My father used to say that if you want to forget your nightmares, you should tell someone about them.”
“Why did he say that? Were you having nightmares about something?”
He scowled above her. This wasn’t about him. He meant to help her by listening if she wanted to tell someone what made her so afraid while she slept. How did she turn it around on him so quickly?
She bent her head back to look at him, taking with her the light scent of flowers. “You must have been afraid of something for him to go around making up memorable quotes.”
If she didn’t beguile every one of his senses, it wouldn’t have been so easy for her to vanquish his scowl and produce a smile in its place. He closed his eyes for a moment and shrugged a shoulder. “Everyone’s afraid of something.”
She didn’t answer or respond in any way. Finally he looked down at her. She was waiting for more.
He exhaled. Should he speak of what frightened him? Why was he even considering it? Even Sudbury didn’t know. “I don’t usually speak of things like this with anyone.”
