But Rauf didn’t deny it. The earl hated her. She had to know why. “Do I know him?”
When he remained silent while Water finished tying the horses together, she thought about any viscounts or earls from her past…or from Phillip’s who might hate her. There were many on Phillip’s side, she was sure.
But no one from her past was a Scot. No one but one.
Had William discovered his family and changed his name? Of course. Why wouldn’t he? Berengaria had given him the name William and she’d left him and Berwick one night while they slept and never returned. And why would he want to be called Stone, a name given to remind him of his worth?
Had he married Aleysia d’Argentan’s servant? Did he love her so much that losing her caused him to go mad and become that…hairy ogre his son was terrified of? No. Her heart refused to let go of him, though it broke today more than any other day. Did he have a child and leave it?
“Is he William? William Stone?” she begged on a sigh along his ear. She didn’t need to say anything more than that. If the earl was William, Rauf would know who she meant.
“Lass…I canna say,” he croaked.
Oh, no! No! Julianna thought about leaping from the horse but Walter finished tying his, and Rauf flicked his reins.
No! Her belly knotted and almost doubled her over as they took off. She wasn’t prepared for this! The earl was not William. He was Nicholas, a frightening brute with cold, steel hatred in his eyes. Hatred for her. No! She wanted to slink to the ground and disappear into the soil. How could it be? She was wrong.
“But how does he have a brother?” she managed when they rode up to the curtain wall of the castle.
“They found him, lass. First, Cain, and then Torin.”
They found him.Then, it truly was William. Her William. But he wasn’t hers anymore.
Julianna’s skin felt clammy. He’d forgotten her and had a child with someone else. She supposed he’d had a right, since she turned him away when last they’d seen each other. She felt even worse remembering how she had stormed at his door and berated him about being a coward, just as a noble would have done. That wasn’t her. She shouldn’t have come here. She should have heard the name Lismoor and forgotten it just as quickly—as the abbess had told her to do about William. But she couldn’t. She hadn’t forgotten him in four years.
“The path of his life was no fault of his own. If this is where it left him…” Rauf looked up at the towering keep and battlement walls. His chest swelled. “Dinna let it be that ye are unhappy that life was finally good to him.”
Her eyes filled with tears that burned. There hadn’t been any in so long. Nothing shed for a past she hated. Everything but William.
“He did not have a terrible life with Berengaria…or me in it.”
Rauf shrugged his broad shoulders. “Tell it to him, lass. My priority right now is his son. Nicky canna lose another, aye?”
Nicky.She breathed. “Aye.”
She dismounted in the inner yard. She followed Rauf and Molly up the stairs to the great hall and then out of it again and down the long corridor to the babe’s chamber.
Julianna neared the door, left partially open by the last one out. She heard soft whining and heavy breathing. Both sounds came from different people. Her mouth went dry and her knees grew weak. Was she about to see William? Her feet didn’t want to move. But she’d come all this way, spent almost all her coin to find him.
Molly pushed the door open and plunged inside. Rauf went next, but Julianna was afraid to go. Afraid to find out if he truly hated her and if so, why?
She’d lost many as well. She didn’t want to lose him.
Perhaps it wasn’t William. Perhaps she was just a fool hoping for her past to—
“Julianna!” Molly’s urgent voice shattered her thoughts and set her feet to moving—
—even as she heard his breathing change before he ground out, “No. No one else!”
Julianna pushed on the door and stepped inside, despite his command. She didn’t look at him. She couldn’t and still think straight. She went directly to the babe and touched his skin. He was burning up. They needed to get the fever down.
“Luke warm rags,” Molly ordered and Rauf went running.
“And bring me coriander and mint if you have it,” Julianna called out to any who were left.
The earl. She turned slightly to have a look at him. Afraid. What if…
It was him. William. Her knees nearly folded. Every moment she’d ever spent with him came flooding back in an instant. He’d shaved his face and cut off most of his hair, save for the tuft of waves falling over his dark brows and stormy gray eyes.
