Oh God, it is really hard not to laugh. He’s using jokes to make light of it, but deep down this is bothering him. I get it, most men who come through here with these kinds of problems find it difficult to be serious. It’s all born of fear.
“There are few factors to consider, we’ve eliminated most of them already. I think the one you may need to explore is the psychological element.”
“I need a shrink?”
“Not necessarily. But you may need to explore your feelings about the act of sex. The person you’re with, outside factors like work-related stress. You told me that people at work are bothering you when you’re not there. It all adds up. Stress on the mind can manifest in physiological ways.”
“You’re not a therapist, I get that. I needed someone professional to tell me this isn’t something I’m going to have to deal with.”
“No, I’m not, and I can refer you on to someone who specializes in this and can help you talk things through. If you’re not ready for that step,” I add, because he looks the furthest thing from wanting to see a therapist. “Then ask yourself what usually brings you to the point of getting erect and what’s changed to prevent it.”
His cheeks pinked slightly, but he nods. “I’m overreacting, I know that.”
“Nothing is an overreaction, Jesse. If it’s a genuine concern, I’m here to help. I don’t want to overstep, but the person you’re with, is it a serious, committed relationship?” He sits in silence. “I’ll take that as a you’re not sure where you stand kind of response.”
“It’s new, and I guess there are no big feelings about him.”
“But you’ve been actively having sex until now.”
“Yeah.”
“And your sex drive is low, medium, high?”
“High usually.”
“As a non-sex therapist, I don’t want you to take this as an accurate description of the problem, Jesse. I would recommend that you seek advice from a specialist on this. Maybe you need to re-evaluate your personal wants and needs before you factor in something as large as a relationship. Sometimes, we don’t connect, or it becomes perfunctory. That could be having an effect.”
He stares at the wall for a moment. We sit in silence as he articulates what he wants to say.
“What if I like someone else?”
“Is that something you could explore?”
“Absolutely not.”
Damn, now I feel bad. He has feelings for someone else who isn’t interested. Like seriously not interested if that vehement statement is anything to go by.
“I wouldn’t want to say that’s the cause.”
“You’re being very diplomatic, Taylor. Both of them are wrong for me, that’s the problem. I should break up with him and focus on myself. Forget what I can’t have.”
“At some point in our lives, we all have to do that. It’s difficult, but taking care of your own mental health and your actual health, given your condition, should come first.”
“You’re right. God, what would I do without you?”
“You’d manage,” I smile. “Do you want to talk some more, or can I signpost you to some places? I could give you reputable places to do a bit of research. Instead of the damn internet?”
Jesse agrees to the signposting. He looks at his watch and says he needs to get back to work with a roll of his eyes. I walk him to the door and lightly pat his arm.
“I’m here if you need to talk, you can come in anytime.”
“Thanks, Taylor. I appreciate that. It’s helped to talk about it with someone who understands.”
“I’m glad I could help.”
We say goodbye, and Jesse heads out. People probably look at him and think he has it all. Underneath the surface, we all have our issues, some more serious than others. I think this is definitely his own head getting in the way. If you’re no longer attracted to someone, it’s gonna be hard to do the deed with them.
“Taylor?” Ashlyn breaks me out of my thoughts. “Jesse was your last patient, Shannon asked me to see if you were alright, to help with the patient waiting list and bookings?”
