Shannon tries to look stern, but fails miserably. Everyone here loves Jesse Cartwright. Not only is he a lovely guy who is always upbeat and wants to talk to everyone, he’s absolutely stunning to look at. Which is irrelevant because he’s a patient.
My patient, who I’ve kept waiting because I went into a fugue state when I’m supposed to be proving to my boss I am ready to be back here.
Jesse is sitting in the back of the waiting area when I head out, frowning at his phone. He doesn’t hear me call his name, so I head over.
“Hey, Jesse.”
“Oh,” he puts his phone away and gives me a dazzling smile. “Sorry, Taylor. Business emails. Why do some people seem to lose their minds if you’re out of contact for a couple of hours?”
I recognize that look, that forced smile. It’s the look of someone going through something they don’t want to talk about. “Maybe you’re just that awesome,” I grin.
He lets out a small laugh that sounds more like him. We head to my room, and I note Caitlin and Ashlyn staring as we pass.
“How’ve you been?” he asks
“Good, thanks.”
Discussing my personal life with patients doesn’t happen. They have enough on their plate without hearing my story. Jesse is the exception. We talked about my dad’s battle with cancer a time or two. I always steered the conversation back to his care, though.
It’s been two months since I last saw Jesse for a check-up. He doesn’t know about Dad. Getting used to telling people you’ve lost someone isn’t something I’ve got a handle on yet. Fortunately, he doesn’t ask as we go into my room.
He looks pensive again and uncomfortable. Not the Jesse I’ve come to know.
“We’re not scheduled for a routine review. Is there something wrong?”
“Everything is going great. Blood sugars are good, taking my medication perfectly. Health wise, I’m great. I’m even signed up for a half marathon in a couple of months, I’ve been training.”
“That’s great, I’m glad you’re keeping healthy. It’s always lovely to hear of people working towards their goals. And a half marathon is no mean feat.”
“It’s tough, but I’ve had a lot of reasons to get out and run.”
One thing I am not is a therapist. I don’t have the tools to counsel people, but I am a compassionate person, a good listener and, fortunately, in a position to signpost if people have issues beyond my scope of understanding. Jesse is the kind of guy you want to help, but not be shortchanged.
“For a little while now, I’ve been having some… issues?” He says it as if it’s a question. I dip my head silently, telling him to go on. “With my libido, I guess.”
“Okay, and by issues, what exactly is the concern?”
“Erectile dysfunction.”
“Don’t self-diagnose. You’re young, healthy and your medication levels are great. You don’t meet the regular statistics for ED. Do you want to discuss symptoms?”
“I can’t get it up,” he laughs, though it’s strained.
“There can be many reasons for that, so you shouldn’t automatically jump to conclusions.”
“Like what? Because I’ve broken the cardinal sin, Taylor. I’ve researched it online.”
“No. Online is a bad word here. And what did that get you?”
“My dick is broken, and I’ll only be able to get it up by taking a little blue pill that can give me a stiffy for hours on end.”
“Jesse,” I shake my head.
“I know,” he leans back, slapping his hands on his thighs. “I gave myself a stern talking to.”
“How much detail do you want to give me so we can figure this out?”
“It’s not that I don’t want to, when we try it… hides.”
