This evening had the same family atmosphere that we shared at Lula’s place yesterday. Except now I struggled with leaving tomorrow.
When Zodiac cornered me in the kitchen, he didn’t seem impressed with my fake smile.
“I talked to Exile about bunking at his place tonight. He said Sutter didn’t sleep well last night. This way, you can keep your boy happy, and I can have access to your pussy.”
Staring up at him, I felt the tears burning my eyes.
“Good Lord, what now?” he asked, trying hard to sound bitchy.
“I’m getting attached to you.”
“Shouldn’t my news make you happy, then?”
“It does, but I’m also thinking about how my pussy will be neglected when I return to Little Memphis,” I said and wiped my eyes. “The upside is I won’t have to suck your dick.”
Zodiac gave me a little smirk. “You’ve been overly whiny all day.”
“During your research on pregnancy, did you happen to find any information on mood changes and hormones?”
Studying me, Zodiac said, “I want to make sure you’re not upset over Caren’s bullshit.”
“Are you asking if I still pity you?” I asked and cupped his jaw. “The answer is yes. I want to hug Mikey and tell him that he’s a special boy who will one day be a beautiful badass. Unfortunately, Sutter hasn’t conquered time travel yet, so I can only feel sad for the boy you once were.”
Zodiac eyed me in that skeptical way he got sometimes, as if I might be fucking with him. I finally grinned at how paranoid he could be.
“I’m tired,” I said and rested my cheek against his chest. “Your dick kept me up too late last night.”
“Well, you’ll need to nap in the car tomorrow because I plan to keep poking you tonight.”
No matter how much we smiled at each other, I felt something shifting between us. The reality was that we had quickly jumped from “parents with benefits” to a dating couple. Staying overnight at Lula’s house was a big move, just like when he announced yesterday to his club that he was going to be a dad.
With Zodiac and I now officially in the dating mode of our relationship, we were bound to face the stark reality of what our future could truly offer. Neither one of us wanted to give up our current lives. Maybe we could get comfortable with the present scenario of bouncing back and forth. After all, I would be busy soon with the baby. Zodiac also felt like focusing on me was taking time away from his club.
So, maybe we’d settle into a casual long-term relationship. No tears or broken hearts. We’d hook up once or twice a month until we were too old to screw anymore.
As we followed Lula and Exile to their house, I knew the only way I could be happy with such a casual relationship would be to adjust my expectations. Zodiac wasn’t Ford. I wasn’t Shay. We weren’t inseparable. We could enjoy independent lives without losing our spark.
Everything could be fine, if I could stop wanting to wrap Zodiac in my arms and never let him go.
ZODIAC
The next morning, I woke up alone in Exile’s guest room. Agitated to find Elle missing, I stumbled out of the room searching for her. I found Elle and Sutter sitting on the back patio. When they glanced up at me with their matching eyes, my anger immediately deflated. They offered warm smiles, as Elle gestured for me to join them on the long bench.
“Are you coming back to Little Memphis?” Sutter asked me.
“I’ll ride up for Cher’s party.”
The kid nodded and looked at the pool. “Mom, when we visit next time, can we go to the museum?”
Elle stroked his head and nodded. Her gaze found me, and she smiled softly. I felt her telling me goodbye before everyone woke up and the house got noisy.
I was a little bothered by how weak I felt about Elle. My chaotic childhood had been tolerable because I never let people affect my mood. Their bullshit or suffering wasn’t my problem.
That got harder with my club. I suffered when Nova was shot, and Exile blamed himself. But I still kept myself wrapped in my armor. Rather than focus on Nova’s suffering, I looked for revenge.
With Elle, I could only endure the weakness she filled me with by simply existing.
Soon, the group headed back to Little Memphis, leaving me alone with my uncomfortable feelings.
