“Is she senile?” Elle asked me, full of concern. “Did she wander away from the nursing home? Should we call her caretakers?”
“You stupid cunt!” Caren yelled.
Elle laughed. “Look at how mad Granny gets.”
We reached the bottom of the stairs, where Caren skulked closer.
“Has he hit you yet?” Caren asked Elle. “Or shared you with his thug friends?”
When Elle looked at me, I saw genuine pity in her gaze. “I’m sorry you didn’t have anyone decent to raise you.”
“Most of the people who fucked me over as a kid are dead. Caren doesn’t have much time left.”
“Are you threatening me?” Caren squawked and reached into her purse. “I’ve got my pepper spray.”
Before I could speak, Elle turned feral on Caren. “If you spray me with that shit, there’ll be hell to pay. Do you understand?”
“Now, IknowI’m being threatened!”
I stepped between them just in case Caren did use her pepper spray. Elle didn’t help by peeking out from behind me to glare at the old woman.
“You look like someone put a wig on an infected big toe!” Elle yelled and raised her hand. “And I’m about to pepper spray that stupid hat off your fucking head!”
Caren realized Elle had beaten her to the draw and backed away. “Of all the terrible boys I had stay with me, Mikey was the only one I hoped wouldn’t survive to eighteen!”
“Oh, my God, you’re so evil!” Elle hollered. “You best get your ass out of here before I pay someone to bury you alive. How would you like to wake up in your coffin with enough time to think about the evil shit you did, but no way to live long enough to make amends?”
“This,” I said and turned to Elle, “is the answer. I could never think of the perfect way to kill her. Beating Caren to death felt too brutal for an octogenarian. A gunshot to her fat head felt too quick. I didn’t know how to make her suffer without cracking every bone in her body. But burying her alive is the answer.”
Elle beamed up at me. “You’re welcome.”
“I’m spraying both of you!” Caren threatened, stirring up my temper.
“Don’t mess with me, bitch!” Elle screamed and swayed her braids from side to side. “I’m from Arkansas, motherfucker! The polluted water has made me crazy and violent!”
Caren narrowed her gaze and considered her options. She knew I was patiently waiting for her eventual death. However, Elle seemed ready to get into a shooting war with Caren right here in the alley.
“I hope he gives you herpes,” Caren snarled as she walked backward with her pepper spray still pointed at us. “I hope she gives you dick cancer.”
“Fuck you!” Elle shrieked. “I’m sending someone to fuck you up, Grandma!”
Caren waved off Elle’s threats, even as she hurried her old ass out of the alleyway. Once she was gone, I turned to Elle and smiled.
“The way you scared off Caren was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Elle cried while dropping her pepper spray in her bag. “I just sucked your dick last night, and you thinkthiswas hotter?”
“Well, I’ve had my dick sucked before,” I said and kissed her softly. “No one’s ever threatened someone in my honor like that.”
“Aww, my poor foster boy lover,” she cooed and wrapped her arms around my waist. “You deserve to be protected. If that means screaming at a deranged elderly infected toe, I’m your girl.”
I admired her for a moment, appreciating how she hadn’t allowed Caren to genuinely upset her. I’d been the same way with the bitch, yetI held a grudge. That’s why, all these years later, I still planned to throw a party when Caren keeled over.
Feeling exposed in the parking lot, I decided to hurry Elle into the SUV. By the time I walked around to the driver’s side, she had gotten herself emotional.
“What are the tears about?” I asked, starting the SUV.
“I’m sad that no one loved you right.”
