prologue
Killian
“Please don’t let him find me. Please, God.” It’s not the first time I’ve prayed to a god that refused to answer me.
I was hoping that this time, things would be different.
The thick fur on my dead mother’s coat and the leather of my father’s various jackets brush against my face and shoulders. Goosebumps sprout across my skin.
My chest constricts as I force myself to hold my breath. I don’t want to make any noise. Not even the sound of air leaving my mouth will be quiet enough.
“Where the hell is he? Killian! Boy!”
The sound vibrates through my eardrums. He’s close. I can tell.
I don’t want to be out there. I don’t like being around those women. They make me feel…funny.
I don’t know why my father thinks I need to be with him while he entertains the men and women that he works with. He doesn’t bring Declan and Cormac with him. Just me. It’s not fair.
My body fails me, and before I can stop myself, a loud cough explodes out of my mouth. I press my hand against my lips, trying to catch the sound before it can go too far.
Too late.
The door to the closet whips open, and my father’s aggravated face appears in front of me. The dim light from behind him creates a glow around his head, but instead of looking angelic, he looks like the monster. A monster set on taking me back to the hell I just escaped from.
“Da, I don’t want to go back. I don’t like—” A sharp smack stings my cheek, and my head is whipped to the side. Bells ring in my head, and I have to blink a few times before I can focus on what’s in front of me.
“Shut your mouth, boyo. What’s wrong with you? Are you a man or ain’t you?” My father reaches forward and grabs hold of my shirt, dragging me out of the closet I’m hiding in.
The music bumps in the background. Even that is enough to make my stomach turn. Every time I hear music like this, it means that there are naked people around.
“Da, I want to go home.”
He grunts as he continues pulling me in the direction of the main room. “No! You’re not going to go home. You’re going to learn, the same way your brothers did. The same way I had to.”
That was a lie. It had to be. Neither Cormac nor Declan had ever come home complaining about being in a room with a bunch of naked, drunk people.
“Da…please…” I whimper and even I know I’m making my situation a million times worse. My father doesn’t care that thepeople in the room make me uncomfortable. He doesn’t care that I’m only fourteen and would rather be at home in my garden. He doesn’t care about any of that.
“You better not embarrass me, Killian or so help me, I’ll make today the worst of your life.” He glares at me and as I look up at him I don’t see even a glimpse of compassion there. He doesn’t care for me. I don’t think he ever has.
I nod my head once and allow him to lead me back into the room. My eyes instantly flash to the woman that caused me to run away in the first place. She’s naked from the waist up. There is a small scrap of fabric between her legs. It’s pink. She doesn’t try to touch me, the last time she only ruffled my hair and I was ready to throw up from just that one interaction.
Her dark brown eyes are bloodshot and glazed over but I see the way she winces when I walk into the room again. She didn’t mean to scare me. In fact, if she had clothes on when she ruffled my hair I might have thought she was just some lady trying to be nice.
Tonight, she wasn’t just some lady. She was working for my father. Working for my father to make his associates feel good.
I turn the corner and I gag hard when I see another woman who is topless but instead of just a pair of panties she is wearing something that looks like a harness. Like what a horse would wear but it’s attached to her hips, and attached to the harness is a fake cock.
“Oi, Niall, seems like the wee man is a little on the sweet side. I bet he’s never even sniffed a real cunt before.” Eoghan, I think his name is, laughs as my father tightens his gripon my shoulder. This is precisely what he meant by me not embarrassing him.
“I’m not sweet.” I snap at the older man who feigns fear by putting his hands up but never stops laughing.
I never understood why my father had such a hatred for gay men but now I’m figuring out it’s because others view homosexuals as weak. There can be no weakness in the O’Sullivan line. My father proved that the day he burned Cormac’s face.
“Get your ass over there and pay attention.” My father pushes me toward the corner.
My spine is straight as steel, and my eyes are peeled open. I don’t know what he wants me to see but I’m not going to give him any reason to beat me tonight. I’ll deal with being uncomfortable for a while.
