Rick blinks because he’s never heard me use that tone before. Bear’s gaze flicks over my face, wide-eyed. I step closer, shoving them apart and planting myself between them.
“If you two want to fight, don’t use me as an excuse.”
Poking Bear in the chest, I tell him sternly, “And you! You insinuate that I’m too young to know what I want. I was forced to grow up fast, taking care of seven kids every single day of my life. And you’re here acting like a reckless teen.”
Rick straightens up. “Natalie, I’m just trying to look out for you.”
“No. What you’re doing is trying to control me, just like my foster parents did.”
The color drains from his face. “I would never.”
“Yes, clearly you would. Why in the world do you think you have the right to say I’m off limits for men? What gives you that right? How about if I march out there and announce to all the club girls that you’re off limits. How would you like that?”
My brother is standing there with his brows furrowed, trying to parse through my words.
“I don’t need either of you to save me from relationships,” I continue. “I need you both to respect me. I need you to trust that I can handle my own feelings without you two coming to blows.”
Rick’s expression turns hurt. “I was trying to protect you. I couldn’t protect you all those years you were in care.”
“I know,” I say, reaching out to pat his arm. “But you can’t protect me by controlling me. You understand that, right?”
I can see from his expression that he finally gets what I’m saying.
Bear shifts, his big body angling away from me like he’s afraid he’ll take up space I might need.
“I don’t want to hurt you either,” he says, his voice raw and raspy.
“I know,” I respond quietly. “Just listen to what I’m saying and don’t try to tell me what I want and need.”
I force the next words out because I have something to say and if I don’t say them now, I never will.
“I’m scared,” I admit. “Not of you. Not of this place. I’m scared because they came into our home and left that message. They’re still trying to pull me back, and part of me still thinks going back is the right thing to do. Not because I want to. But because I’ve been trained to believe I’m responsible for everyone.”
Rick’s face crumples, into a mask of regret.
Bear’s eyes go dark with a fierce protectiveness that I’ve seen several times over the last few weeks.
Steeling my resolve, I add, “So, I need the two of you to get yourselves together, communicate better, and give each other some grace, so I don’t have to feel responsible for the two of you as well. You’ve been together through thick and thin. You’re not fair-weather friends. Am I right?”
Rick lets out a long, shaky breath. “Okay, sis. I see where you’re coming from. And just so you know, this isn’t the first time we’ve thrown hands. You’re not responsible for anything to do with us.”
Bear chimes in, “Yeah, we probably do need to learn to keep our fucking hands to ourselves though.”
Relief hits me so hard I feel it loosen something in my chest. I step back towards the suite door, but before I go in, I look at them one last time.
“I’m not leaving,” I reassure them. “The logical side of my brain knows there is nothing there for me except an endless supply of foster kids who need more than any one person can give them. I can’t keep feeling guilty and sacrificing myself because that isn’t how normal people live their lives.”
I close the door behind me and lean against it, breathing hard.
Chapter 7
Natalie
Morning comes before I know it. The knowledge that my brother and his friend took turns staying awake so I could rest without worry is almost enough to wash away the humiliation of my ham-handed attempt to get Bear to see me as more than his best friend’s sister. I don’t know what I was thinking by talking to him that way.
I dress quickly and step back into the main room, expecting Bear and my brother to be waiting there so we can get some breakfast. My brother’s nowhere to be found. But Bear is looking out the window with a phone to his ear. He looks magnificent in his tight jeans and black leather cut. I know last night he said he wasn’t interested, but his body said otherwise. He’s got his hair pulled back at the nape of his neck and twists his torso around to look at me when he hears me shut the bedroom door behind me.
He glances at me when he hears my steps, gestures towards the extra cup of coffee
