I chided myself.
The speaker at the front had to be almost finished, and still, Luke at my side was stiff.
All this time I was worried about myself—while he’d given me the opportunity to be here, and I’d ruined it. I’d turned what should be holy into something evil.
I spent the rest of the ceremony in numb fear, not hearing a word of the sermon.
Finally, he stood, and we walked back out through the crowds. He spoke to no one, which set my nerves on edge. The sharp edge of his scent had dulled a little now, and I could only still catch it because I was paying attention, but I doubt he wanted to risk anyone else realizing.
I’d spoiled the sermon for him, embarrassed him, and now he wasn’t able to speak to anyone.
All because I wasn’t careful.
Finally, I heard the familiar low sweep of my room door opening.
He stepped inside with me.
I felt a breath of relief, just inhaling the faintest trace of my room. It wasn’t much of a nest, as those instincts had to be carefully monitored, should it drive us mad, but it had the faintest traces that marked it mine. The slight undercurrent of velvet rose and cocoa, as if it had fused with the stone.
He released his arm from mine and I turned, but he was still close enough for me to feel the heat of his body. I took a single step backward before stalling.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered again. “I was careless.”
Silence passed.
Was that the wrong thing to do?
Was his scent getting sharper again?
What was happening? I didn’t think I was doing anything now.
“You must pray for forgiveness.” His voice was a hot breath in my ear, making me jump.
“Right… now?” I asked.
He wanted to make sure I did it, perhaps?
Maybe it would help him let go of the frustration I’d given him.
The silence seemed to be a ringing yes, and I had to grab his sleeve to balance as I sank down to my knees, as I couldn’t remove my blindfold until he was gone.
My mind scrambled to come up with a prayer of repentance, but even when I found it, it wasn’t one I ever managed to speak.
Silence rang in my ears, the world just a series of movements and sounds. At some point I’d heard a zipper, but I wasn’t processing much of anything.
The blindfold had fallen, Luke’s grip had dislodged it, and my eyes were squeezed shut in terror.
The movements slowed around me.
It was over, I thought.
But this wasn’t right. My heart was beating too quickly in my chest, and all I knew was that I was afraid. I wanted to cry.
I didn’t know why I was upset, though. I’d sometimes squint down at the unbonded alphas in the courtyard from my small window, and my dreams were sinful, so I didn’t understand why this was making me feel so afraid.
It was me that was all wrong.
Shouldn’t I want this?
