Kirby took a shaky breath. “Sure.”
They all got settled again, and Janette immediately jumped into it. “We just took a small break from filming. It seemed as if Mara and KB had something important to discuss and asked to do so off camera. Can you explain what’s going on, Mara?”
Mara ground her teeth together. “No.” It wasn’t her story to tell.
“She thought I was about to have a panic attack. She was checking on me,” Kirby said. “Everyone thinks we hate each other, but Mara actually is a kind person. She’s seen me have one before and thought I was showing similar signs. She was being a good teammate.”
“A panic attack?” Michael said, concern etched on his face. “Have you ever spoken about having panic attacks before?”
“No,” Kirby said uneasily. “I probably should have used my position and celebrity to advocate for mental health causes and stuff but?—”
“That’s not your responsibility. It’s okay to just live your journey, Kirby,” Mara said. “It’s no one’s business unless you want it to be.”
“Says the ice princess,” Kirby said wryly.
“Hey.”
“I don’t like to talk about it because I don’t feel like I’ve got a handle on them. Sometimes I’ll go months or even years without one. Sometimes I’ll have a few a week. I had two during pre-Olympic training and one this morning during breakfast in the cafeteria.”
Ah. She hadn’t been about to have an attack. She was coming down from one.
“Does something trigger them?” Janette asked.
Kirby shrugged. “No. I don’t know. Stress. Bad sleep. Overactive thyroid. Too much coffee. A combo of multiple factors. I’ve never been able to pinpoint it. Our sports psych said it could be lots of things, and I’ve got doctors’ appointments scheduled for after the Olympics. But my mental health is part of my overall health story. It’s a difficulty we all contend with, and the team does a great job providing resources. I appreciate Mara being concerned for me and for the chance to explain, but I’m fine.”
“Thank you for being so open about it, KB,” Michael said.
“Without going too inside baseball, or rather inside cross-country skiing here, I interviewed Mara and KB together during training before they came to Italy,” Janette said. “It was one of the most interesting and perhaps contentious interviews I’ve ever done. It hasn’t aired yet, but it will air before the fifty-kilometer race in a few days. It is a bit shocking to see the difference between how Mara checked on you during this interview and how you two fought during that one.”
“We’re teammates,” Lindsey said, clearly jumping in and all over the question. Because shewasa very, very good teammate. “We’re competitors, and that can get tense, but we also care about each other.”
Kirby’s knee bumped Mara’s on the couch. It might have been unintentional, but it reverberated through her whole body.
“Mara and I are not best friends,” Kirby said. “I’d say there have been lots of times where we were quiteunfriendlyeven. Rivals. Enemies. Those instances are well-documented, including in your interview. But she’s motivating. She pisses meoff more than just about anyone in the world, but pursuing her, catching her…in a race… is very motivating.”
An ache of something—aggravation or longing or discomfort—pulsed through Mara’s chest. Her breath sped up, and she had to force herself not to touch Kirby, not to grab her.
“Mara, what do you have to say to that?” Janette asked.
I like being pursued. I like being caught.
“Nothing.”
A laugh snapped out of Kirby, and Mara couldn’t keep her smile in. A real smile, not the media-trained one. Not her podium smile.
“I get the feeling you guys enjoy messing around with each other,” Michael said.
And then Lindsey laughed. And Mara wanted to bury her head in her hands because he really had no idea how apt that statement was.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-FIVE
Kirby showedup early at the training facility to practice for the team sprint. When she came into the weight room, she shouldn’t have been surprised to see Mara geared up and stretching, but she was.
Their interview with Lindsey had been such a mess. A funny mess. A frustrating one.
Kirby felt burned by Mara’s whiplash. She had read comments online about the interview. Clips had been posted all over social media. She’d reposted them. There was speculation about dissention among the ski team and speculation about them playing up their animosity for clicks. Rumors fed headlines and headlines fed her. So she was perfectly happy with a bit of gossip.
