“I’m just…” She shook her head. “It’s hard to explain, but I’m so, so happy. Tonight feels special. There’s so much adrenaline and excitement,” she said, words gushing out. “I’m so thankful I’m here.”
He seemed taken aback by her response. Maybe he had expected her to be more somber. Precedent would have supported that expectation.
“This is your fourth Olympics. What makes this Opening Ceremony so special?”
“It’s my last one.” She hadn’t planned to say that, but she couldn’t imaginenotsaying it at that moment. Most people assumed, but she hadn’t said so outright. “I’ll compete in these Olympics and finish out the World Cup, and then I’m done. So maybe I’m looking at everything differently. Trying to see it through the eyes of someone who will never be back.”
When she’d discussed it with her agent and, separately, her dad, they had agreed she should announce her retirement after winning her gold medal. The logic was that an announcement before the Olympics would be a distraction, but there was another reason. One that no one was admitting out loud.
If she waited until after the Olympics to announce her retirement, it gave her a chance to change her mind if she didn’twin the gold. To try again and again. She could complete until she literally couldn’t keep up anymore.
But shewouldwin. She had to.
“So you’re retiring after this World Cup season?”
“Yes. I’m ready. This just”—she gestured toward the huge group of athletes from the United States. She could see the delegations from Ukraine, United Arab Emirates, Uruguay, and Uzbekistan from where she was standing. There was such a sense of joy around her. “I want this to be my last one. It’s beautiful here. And I’m having fun, and I’ll be honest, the Olympics haven’t always been fun for me. I want to have fun and move on on a high note. I see the fire in these young athletes coming up in cross-country skiing, and it’s exciting. I’m ready to cheer them on.”
“You mention not having fun in past Olympics. Is that a reference to losing the thirty-kilometer race four years ago? You were widely considered the front runner.”
“It’s not a reference to that.” For once, she hadn’t been thinking about that horrible race. “I put a lot of pressure on myself. I’m competitive. We all are. But it takes a toll.” She thought back to Kirby’s panic attack in the hallway. “It takes a toll on a lot of us. And it’s important to do what’s best for our own health. Mental and physical. What’s best for me on all fronts is toenjoymy last Olympics. Enjoy myself for the rest of the World Cup. Then move on.”
“I would like to ask you about your competitor and teammate, Kirby Bonham. She beat you in Beijing in the thirty-k mass start. She had never even hit the podium in that race, so it was a surprise for her to race so well. And?—”
“Any high-level competitor can win a single race. All it takes is for someone to fall down or have a bad day or contract a cold or for the conditions to deteriorate. She won that day. I expect to win this time.”
“You’re saying her win was circumstantial?”
Mara laughed. She hadn’t exactly meant it that way. It was wild how easily her words could be spun. But she liked the idea of Kirby seeing this interview and interpreting it that way. Maybe it would fire her up the same way Kirby’s interviews emboldened Mara.
“I’m saying my record speaks for itself. And so does Kirby Bonham’s.”
“Is that shade?”
“Oh, I would never be shady,” Mara said, mock disbelief in her voice. “Bonham is a great skier. She has more spirit than anyone I know. She’s fearless. I underestimated her four years ago. I will not make that mistake again.”
CHAPTER
SIXTEEN
Kirby zonedout in the athlete spectator area of the grandstand as music played and skiers made their way into the stadium for the skiathlon. The skiathlon was ten kilometers of classic style and ten of freestyle, with a transition to different gear halfway through.
Kirby hated racing the skiathlon, so she was happy to sit it out, but she felt anxious about it anyway.
She wanted Mara to do well. She shouldn’t have cared. In past competitions, she hadn’t rooted for Mara. She’d done the opposite.
But today, her body was vibrating with pre-race adrenaline, even though she was just standing around with a bunch of teammates.
She pulled out her phone and replayed a video she’d had cued up for a day.
Kirby had watched the clip of Mara’s interview at the Opening Ceremony in Milan a hundred times. She looked gorgeous. Color high in her cheeks, her hair slightly frizzy for the first time in her life. She seemed almost intoxicated in the interview, riding high on the start of the Games.
Kirby wanted to fuck her. She wanted to kiss away the shade that had clearly been there. Ross McFadden had clocked it. Mara had insinuated that Kirby’s win was due to a snowball of conditions and not Kirby’s own grit and determination. It made Kirby angry and horny and fired up. And excited to race.
Mara had also called her fearless.
Even after seeing Kirby fight through a panic attack. Even after seeing the literal physical manifestation of fears and anxiety on Kirby’s body, Mara had called her fearless.
It made Kirbyfeelfearless.
